I am stoning in front of the computer. he came me a blardy scary shock by msging me on msn. he made me squirt. haiya. why msg me. ok I shldn't complain. coz it's the 1st time he msg me. after erm...3/4 times of me doing the initiative? Bleah. it shldn't bother me. It is not bothering me. anywayz...he prob is bored that's why he msged me. i am mean. but oh well. whatever. he's not my main priority now. darn. i am so mean lah. whatever. i wanna go home. i wanna go to the beach with jb. i wanna go shopping with shu. i wanna meet up with old friends. i wanna i wanna i wanna GO HOME...

life's abt lecture notes and stress right now. nth interesting. just waiting and waiting and waiting and basically looking forward to the end of exams and the time comes to go home. Blah. exams suck.

hurhur. very funny. msged me and then siam. very smart. might as well don't msg. I got nth to say to you anyway. bye.

a bit 'high' today. Actually now. Perfect 10 rox (as usual). Reminiscing the past. They just played 'everybody's changing' over the radio--the song that JB told me he liked when we heard it in fish&co opp ps. Brings back memories. I haven't heard that song since that time-1 1/2 yrs...stations don't play it anymore=P
blah.............I am going to sleeeeeep.

The immense anticipation is killing me. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. 35 days and counting. 10 days to nov. Exams. Stressed. I am speaking like a kid whose mind is just overwhelmed with single syllabic words. I am binging again. Halleluya. That's the typical case on thurs afternoons. Had pasta and bubble tea for lunch. HaHa. So HeAlThY. The weather is stale. I mean it's neither cold nor that warm. Imagine that feeling. Yeah, you'd probably get that 12 mths in a yr anyway. I...I...am...disintegrating...I just wanna lie in my bed and sleep. OR hang out with my friends. Life. Exams. Stress. Are you stressed too?...

I know I have been MIA for while. You see, I didn't think anyone reads my blog nor is interested in my life. So, I feel like I am talking to myself. haha anyhow, I am so stressed. Ironically, my fri, sat and sun were just days spent bumming ard (and partying) =( Friday was my first time in cell. It was er...novel experience. hehe. then sat, went to uni to play badminton with the church pple- there were abt 5 of us. And it was another of my 1st time-playing badminton with rules. Trust me, the rules are pretty confusing. then there was this ah pek there; they say he's the coach and apparently he's qte good. So he just teaches the pple how to play. Well, he taught but I still can't get it. And sar and i were playing doubles so I felt so stressed and retard because each time the player scores a point, they switch boxes where they serve. I still don't really get it...but hmm...I am getting there...hehe

Then after that we wanted to go for booze at QV but they were closed so while we were deciding to go to chinatown for dinner, someone suggested eating at sam's place which was above QV. MAN...his place is just...AWESOME man...360 degrees (almost- 3 views lah) panoramic view of melb city. Can see the mountains, a relatively large scenery of the sea (In fact SEAS) and all the buildings. it's like a vie even better than the rialto towers!...Coz he lives on the 41st floor. WAH LAU...I tell you...it's just on top of the world man. And the whole apartment is almost glass, so you get to see all the view and we were watching sunset...can see the horizon somemore...Wah piang. Haha. I think if I were to live there, I can't concentrate on studying already. Oh and sat was such a good weather, the whole sky was cloudless, so you see an entire clear blue sky. Haha that's like the best apartment I've ever seen in my life!...Almost from the east to the west and the south-that's good enough. Oh and dinner. He's such a fabulous cook too!!!=) had sambal noodle and his kitchen is impressive-just like a jamie oliver's one, maybe even better. There's this whole cupboard of spices and sauces that I doubt he ever lacks any of them. And he has 2 gargantuan woks that is like 3 times the size my grandma uses.. He's got 2 somemore. And 1 BIG BIG pot. I was simply speechless lah =P

went for a movie with a friend today. Watched cinderella man at melb central hoytts. the place is qte nice. reminds me of orc cineleisure=) spacious and everything's new. not that comfortable seats though. the backrest was a little too straight and rigid. It was pretty empty when we went in. cinderella man was good too. watch it if you have the chance =)

the birthday boy's out partying I suppose...=P

hmm just came bk. Had a nice chat and lunch with sar after sch=) then an hr later she said she was meeting cin so asked me to come along and we chatted till sar had to go off for lect. lunch topic was 'highly interesting'- sex haha. no lah, actually, we were talking abt anatomy because sar was very shocked that we had to strip and stuff. she was practically speechless when cin and i were talking abt it. hehe...

Had a nightmare last night=( and I woke up at 5am and start praying to God. Frankly speaking it was weird because I never prayed at 5am but I guess He did calm my soul for the remaining 3 hr sleep...

Oh God, what is wrong with me? A while ago I was on cloud 9. Now? I am crying my head off. Is this what life is about?

he stabbed me wound deep. Oblivious, crude, unknowing. Is it my fault? Why can't things just go well? tthe epitome of happiness has crumbled and reduced to a pile of debris. Why Lord? Why must he do this to me? Why must he be the one to hurt me? Why must the person I love be the one who hurts me the most? why? why? why? Is it me?...Right now, I just wanna cry myself to sleep...

sunday mornings do fly by FAST. Spent another beautiful morning at church=)
then headed off to the city for lunch. boba at lygon. not bad=) had boba specialty which basically consists of minced meat and sth noodle that resembles udon, the jap noodle. Sweeeell. there were 9 of us. and bec's car really roX! =P got a GPS and an 8 seater car which is super duper spacious=P *gasp* then later a few of them had gelati but I was soooooooo full that although I was tempted, my stomach cldn't take anymore in. they are planning a badminton session next week!=) i do hope it works out in the end...anyway, sar said the crepe yest was crepe. geez, then I wish I went. but i wasn't craving for that yesterday=P next time, hopefully=) haha I realised that giving out pamphlets at the entrance of the church was pretty fun! hehe...never thought it wld. I think it's very much the satisfaction one gets from the smiles on pple's faces and the 'thank you' that resounds in my ears and also the 'how are yous?'...it rocks. today the pastor was talking abt leadership (apparently again) it's an interesting topic really. then he mentioned sth abt everyone wanting recognition for our works and also, sth abt if we know what we want and work towards it, we will be rewarded. Although it may not be suddenly, we will be rewarded nonetheless. God's promises=) God is inspiring, don't you think so?=)

oh and I just realise that this guy is this girl's brother. Geez, I never knew until he called her "jie" during lunch. Oh well, it's only been 2 wks. excuses=P

I don't what is it abt chess, but I realised that seem to fall for guys who play chess. strange. I actually like geeks. Oh man. that's bad. but on the other hand, he's really a great guy to talk to and I really enjoy talking to him. Not sure if it is the same for him but you see, he's the leader of one of 2 cells (my sis happens to be the leader of the other one-ok, irrelevant fact) anyway, bottomline is, I like to talk to him because he is nice=). hehe simple and that. Speaking of which, today someone almost pissed me off but I prayed to God to forgive and forget. See, I tried to strike a conversation with a guy who is currently in my college course and he's like...super dao. (at least I think so) I just can't stand it when pple give you one word answers or just merely answer your answer as if it was a report. Com'mon, conversation is abt interaction and socializing, you don't just PATRONISE. haha, I preaching again, I apologize=p oh God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can and wisdom to know the difference. Pls help me control my emotions and feelings and don't them rule me. It's my responsibility that I rule them-(today's sermon)=)

It was weird meeting the pastor at gelati from the old church I 1st went. COC. of course he didn't recognize me but it was weird that I was with a group of friends from a new church and seeing a pastor from an old church I used to frequent. To side-track, I pray that God will fill my mind with positive thoughts and chase away all negative ones=)

There goes my sunday afternoon...it's already evening now. No work completed. Blah. =(

remember I mentioned that I made muffins during the hols? the pics are up!=) 

chocolatey fingers! 

happy face=) 

a smiley face made of choc chips! and er...an apple seed. haha my sis almost didn't realise and almost ate it! haha... 

hehee baking was fun 

almost done... 

the end product!=) man it was goooood... 

I learnt that nature can be observed anytime, anywhere.
While on the bike, the wind was continually scattering the passing white clouds. A while later, the sky was all blue. Then I went onto the treadmill and looked up. The sky was all white and infested with white clouds. Hardly any blue at all. I was puzzled for a minute. Then after a while again, the sky was half white, half blue--beautiful baby blue. =) How interesting.

The rain was even more fascinating. When I got to the gym, it wasn't raining. Then suddenly, it just started showering and the the rain was spectacular!=) It was like very organised curtains of white threads falling from the sky. Rows and rows of them. Then gusts of wind blows in all directions and the specks of droplets of rain were swirling round. It resembled snow although I have never seen it snow before unless you consider the last time tiny hailstones were dropping for the sky in the city=P Anyway, after that the rain stopped. Hehe. What a weather=)

I was thinking of jb the whole time. Perhaps only he can fathom what was observed. I believed and hoped that he wld that awe-struck as I am =P

Oh and sar smsed to asked my sis and I if we wanted to join them for crepes in a suburb. haha. just when I was stepping out of the place and when I my was sleeping...=P yeah at 1pm...when I checked my hp, that is...

decisions, decisions and more decisions

Pigging out again=P my sis and I took 15 mins to decide what to eat for lunch. First it was deciding whether we shld eat out. 2nd it to decide where and what to eat. After contemplating for 15 min (actually noticed the clock), we settled for chomchom=) Been having jap this whole week, viet on sun and pancake parlour--eh...didn't really feel like. there were 3 jap restaurants on our list as we slowly ruled out one by one- too far; didn't feel like; too filling. haha. Finally settled for prawn mee...wahahhahaR!~ not exactly luxury scrumptious food but it was fairly comfort food. I miss the serangoon one! =P and kuay chup-pork belly, pizza hut-hawaiian pizza, swensons'-fish cheese, fish and co-raisin rice. my oh my...heavenly food...=)

Told you I was pigging in. Haven't stopped thinking abt food since 9am yesterday. anyway, had the prawn mee then had an egg-tart. Ahh...*sound effect* it's comparable to crystal jade's one-the one I was craving for the whole of yesterday and today. Hehe. ^oo^ as if I weren't stuffed enough, I craved for viet springroll too...the whole time I was eating my prawn mee AND egg tart. wth. Haha. Food glorious food......I sound like homer simpson I can imagine.

And struck with MORE decisions, had trouble going out before lunch because I didn't know what to wear. 1st it was the weather--have to wear clothes according to weather. 2nd I was toooooooooo pink. Like Really pink. PINK spag strap, PINK hooded jacket, PINK denim jacket, PINK bag. haha obviously I cld go out like that!!...in the end after 10 min I just had the pink spag strap top and a black leather jacket. Didn't even wanna think abt which earring to wear. Haha. Wore one and thought so mah fan--not like I was going to hit on someone or vice versa! haha. Thus I took it off before I stepped of the apartment. haha. I am so vain eh?...

After lunch, we went to check out the sale at target. Found myself a top which I really liked. Was a good thing. I reckon the only thing that can keep my mind off food is clothes:) Happy clothes. haha. Was parading in a small cubicle in the changing room and realised that I cldn't DECIDE (again) which size I shld get. And I know it didn't help that my sis was pressing me for time. I asked her to leave first as she had stuff to settle=P The smaller one was just nice but I didn't wanna look like a glutinous rice ball so I grabbed a size larger. It was a little baggy but heck...I didn't wanna look like ba4 zang3 either. Been shopping for a size bigger than the 'just-fit' size lately. I guess I don't really like tight-fitting ones for obvious reasons =) Vanity.

Quote of the day: It ain't easy being a girl, but who is complaining?=) (when at the end of it all, I get a new top!...hahaaR)

Wow. it was overwhelming the way I got back. Was so tempted to just pop by some shop along the route back to grab something to assuage my itchy mouth. shld I buy boost juice? shld I go to safeway and buy cheese to add flavour to my broc tonight? bleh. so glad I made it back--empty handed. haha... was a little jaded therefore I decided to trudge myself back. anyway, I am still eating now. Haha. it's not even dinner time yet and I am stuffing my face. wonder what's wrong with my taste buds today. my mouth doesn't seem to belong to me today. eat eat eat. stuff stuff stuff=p

today my prac tutor asked me if I was from sg again. HAhhaHAR! that's the 5th time. each time it just gets more and more amusing. then he asked me if sgporeans tease msians just like melbournians tease tassies. he asked "so do you call msians 2-headed fat pple...? blah blah blah?" Nah, we don't, we're nice pple eh?=) haha. do we?

then today we had to palpate piriformis which is a muscle on the ass so he had a student volunteer and he was reading out loud off her panties which read "he's a lover not a fighter." haha. That totally cracked us up man =P

oh no. I can't stop eating. Kept having untimely cravings for food in the middle of lessons when I don't think I am that hungry. Argh. Actually walked into the sch supermart and bought some food to munch at 10am after eating lunch (yes, at 10am). And now after finishing my snack...I am cravings for...egg tarts. Piping hot crystal jade egg tarts. Darn. havoc. I just can't seem to control my diet today. After I had my sushi lunch, I walked past a couple of coursemates then the guy was eating wonton mee--his brunch and I so craved to devour noodles--straight after I finished my sushi. It's just absurd. Am I out of my mind or what!...

Hmm...yummy yummy egg tarts...:) 3 more hrs to endure before I can go back...!...for the weekend..

here I am (was) munching on cucumber slices at this ungodly hour. That's the only thing I can find in the fridge. Well, the only thing I bothered to cast my eyes on when I opened the fridge. i feel light-headed. Leaving my brain cells to relish in some radio station right now. The non-sensensical blabbering of dan ong is just SO entertaining. -_-"

Then I wished that he was online. That he will maybe cheer me up or take me away on a fantasy trip that overlooks all my worries. My chest actually aches- because of certain pathologies eating at my heart right now. I seriously need a check-up but it's gonna cost a bomb here. So, hopefully, I get to do that when I go home and of course it needs me to be still alive then.

yayaya...spouting trash has become my specialty. I didn't even know what crap I was rattling on and on abt yesterday. today. tmr. I am not really into jolin now and the radio has to play one of her songs. Where are all the enchanting songs of yester-years?=P

And where is he???...sigh.

do you reckon that when you face a sink full of soiled dishes (that you didn't leave there) when you step into the house infuriates you? I think it does have an effect esp after a long day. Why can't some pple just wash after eating. It's just so, wrong. It wasn't as if you were out the whole day trying to make sense of lessons and neck muscles and lumbar spines.

Geez, satan is just one hard-core wrecker. and then there are some pple who just simply enjoy making use of you. I wldn't mind if it was God (because that's how he works) but other then that, these pple are just incorrigible.

I apologize. Just another day on the ranch. pple, situations, emotions. It just gets the better of you doesn't it. Wish I cld ignore these pple who are out to ruin others' lives.

I seem to have 2 different lives. 1 social. 1 school. They can hardly blend. I admit I am not really a multi-tasker. Some pple can just kid themselves into believing that they can.

haha. on a lighter note, yest I came across an old man with a walking stick and I was trying hard to suppress my inner laughter lest he glares at me in horror. I just recalled a friend talking abt 'tongkat' the night before. hehe. How amusing. I am sleepy. Hmm everytime I have to go sch I feel sleepy. School's foul, don't you think so?

quit whining and start doing something. that's what the book I read said. Once you start whining, you'd probably can't stop. God detests whining as well. It's just a vicious cycle. Once you whine abt something then get it resolved, you'll start finding sth else to whine abt. I am telling you IT SUCKS. So don't do that. Ever come across anyone who says sth like "oh just whine, I enjoy hearing you whine." NO! Nobody ever says that because the fact is, nobody likes it! I bet the pple wld rather listen to music than get the constant nagging reminder of how someone else's life suck. Let's face it. Life is tough. If everyone starts whining, what's the world to become? I doubt it will things any better. That's for sure. Heed my advice, don't be a pain in the ass, that is, unless you enjoy being one.

I finished reading the book=) that's prob my 1st christian book I'd ever completed. hehe.
Hmm. 9 more days to JB's birthday. that's qte fast I think...

I don't want to harbour on the past but anyway, yest when I mentioned how I raised my hands to the heavens, I didn't mention that I was praying after the song then I think I just humiliated myself when all of a sudden, the pastor just continued speaking and everyone had their eyes open. Except me. I felt so abashed. haha. Oh well. It happens. Imagine being one out of maybe only 2 audience who raised their hands in the sea of heads. It's kinda obvious. Bleah=P

Oh and I met that same high sch friend again. The one I was so flabbergasted after meeting her at the lobby of my apartment. Startled. Surprise, surprise, surprise. hehe. okie I guess I don't resent her that much. It's just a word of rumour kind of thing. Someone says she is a spoilt brat, the whole class thinks she IS a spoilt brat. No comments. She said that was her 2nd time there. I didn't know she was a christian. Or maybe I did but I didn't dig into it. haha don't know. Anyway, there's sth I can't fathom. Why does she always have to hug me each time I see her? geez. I never thought hugging was the 'in' thing back in ny. haha. She hugged me at the lobby the last time and if it wasn't for the exams that time, she probably wld have hugged me too.

While on the treadmill a while ago, the blding management were trying to attach ropes the size of my thumb onto carribeans. There were a few ropes. It was the 'window-cleaning season' again. So the pple had to climb to the peak of the blding and cautiously work their way down. Scary stuff. Then there was this guy who I thought had an uncanny resemblance to vince vahn dam--except that he was comparatively punier. The shiny balded head and features and he happened to wear a dark blue uniform of the cleaners that was like a scene from the pacifier if I am not wrong.

I am sleepy. Bedtime immediately after lunch. What immaculate timing.

Oh yest after dropping a line abt how I wished God wld hasten meeting Mr. Right (I was kidding=P) I read sth abt God having perfect timing for everything-hence we shldn't ask him to make things happen faster. Instead, we shld make use of the time to do sth for him as God works through us and also, when we do just that time seems to pass faster too! =)

If you are my friend, just read abt God=)

Thank the Lord for another wonderful day of my life=)

Today I went to church. (yeah I know, so what? big deal) Well in fact, IT IS a big deal for me. I can't stress how amazing it is that I've grown to know God more during this 1 wk term break. My only regret is that I didn't open up to him earlier. Anyway, today's been a blast. Hanging out with church friends for lunch at a viet restaurant after service and stuff. I enjoy train rides=)

And then for dinner, my sis (and my friend) came over to cook tomyam soup and pumpkin soup together and it was just splendid. I am so full now:) satiated. The Lord loves me. I love the Lord too. A miracle did happen to me and today I sang whole-heartedly throughout the service. For once, I opened up my hands and reached high--sth I never did dare to do in front of a whole church during service. Today IT WAS IT. I felt the Lord and I did it. I worshipped with all my heart. I know I shldn't boast abt such stuff but I guess what I really want to say is to open up to Him. He is always waiting for you to receive him:)

Today service was abt leadership and making changes. Often, we neglect changing ourselves before thinking of changing the world. Just start to change ourselves first. It all starts from ourselves.

Anyway, I was talking abt the miracle. I prayed for the Lord to help me control my emotions, my mind, my heart and to stop falling in love so easily and making myself so vulnerable. The next morning, I woke up and my feelings for him just kinda subsided. As in it wasn't that much anymore. I was glad that the Lord answered my prayers=) Thank You Lord.

Back to today. It seems that contrary to before, the more I see of him, the more I feel that he isn't the one. I was a little shattered when a group of friends just started teasing him abt how he asked this girl for her email add and everyone was just asking who and stuff. Then all he cld say was no...there is no girl...no...on and on. either he didn't wanna say or he really didn't have one. I doubt the latter. Then pple started teasing him abt matchmaking him and this girl who was my age (shu I think u know her) who apparently was from rgs and helps out in church with the song slides and stuff and then he said she's too young for me. Oh well, what more can I say? It's fated huh? I felt a tinge of sourness and heartache but oh well, if he isn't the one for me, so be it. I know God has everything all planned out for me and I really want to surrender to Him and let him take charge of my life. Only He knows best. I know you are thinking: so what has this got to do with God if he thinks I am too young? But I know. I just know that God planned this. God wanted me to hear these words from his own mouth. I know that God is trying to tell me that perhaps he just isn't the one. Whatever it is, I want to wait for my Mr. Right. Just like what the book I am reading is abt. Wld you rather go through a big circle and a thousand heartaches before finding your Mr. Right? I don't know abt you but all I want is the shortest (and hopefully fastest) path to meeting him--save all the big hoo-ha and round-abts--my life isn't made to go in circles. And meanwhile, I know that God has a task for me before I meet the right guy. I am still learning abt the task and maybe the only thing now is to just pray that God will speed up the process of my finding Mr. Right. Furthermore, I realised that the last 2 guys went out with weren't Christians. But from this book, I learnt something so so true and close to the heart--My heart is with God. If you want to win my heart, you have to get it from God. Simple as that. I wldn't wanna date a non-christian. That's for sure.

More fruit for thought later.

It's OCTOBER!!!!!!!!
I just realised=)
That means that I'm going back next month!!!!!!!!!!
Been waiting for a while to say that=P
I know this 1 1/2 more months ain't gonna be easy but I knowGod will be with me to guide me through=)
Things are always tough as we all know but I know God will help us through. He will. Trust the Lord. Ask and you will receive.
Hey guys, am looking forward to seeing you again...