ballade pour adeline: September 2006

Hello my sweet papaya!

I found out where I can find future husbands. In supermarkets. That's right!

The creme de la crop; the icing on the cake of the male counterparts.

I didn't have a chance to blog abt this last night but hell yes, this is place where you can find decent husbands-to-be clad in business suits with ipod earphones plugged in.

let's see, er...They can cook, they have a job and they are most likely bachelors. hurhur.

Don't believe me, go check it out.

I have an affinity for tall and slightly plump men. LOL. They are cute, just like the 2 I saw yesterday. They are very huggable and well-fed (and ready to be slaughered. Just Kidding)

Just another bimbotic post. uh..........

I'm a clown

Damn Irritating.

I fell down whilst cycling. (Yeeee haw!) I was a little annoyed because i had only embarked on my journey for abt, what 10min? then my bike crashed onto the Holy Ground. ?!?#@#!

But heck. I carried on riding, a little disconcerted whether I shld wash the dirt away from the blood lest it becomes an ugly bruise. And also, because my legs were fair(ER), I was worried that the scar might become bloody apparent.

I am a vain-pot. Thank You.

Anyway, heck! then I continued riding for another 20 more min until it became si bei pain that I cld ride no more and had to go home, lah.

I don't know if I was fortunate or unfortunate, that nobody saw my ugly stance of falling from the sky, like Mr Bean. Which meant no embarrassment whatsoever and of cause, No assistance. I'll choose the former.

Blah. Coming to think of, it was spooky. Having to fall down in the temple where there's nobody. But I guess I'm probing too much into this. Still hurts :'(

And now, you see a uneven Beautiful Emblem of the temple gravel on my left knee. Ahh...How nice. *note the sarcasm here.

Now Mr Bruise (Lee) [Sorry for the corny-ness] is busy pussing. pretty gross. Why Must It Pus. Crap.

Well, I guess I totally deserved it.

because I was trying to cycle without hands.

Look! No hands!

Crash.

(:

woo hoo!~

can i say sth? *raises hand excitedly*

Really have to thank the Lord for the HD for the last MBC mod!!!

=D

THANK YOU THE ONE UP THERE!

excessive blogging

I feel like i'm going to drown.

I feel stifled.

I feel STAGNANT.

:(

it's trying.

but i shld give myself and others one chance.

Oh God, i feel pain.

snow patrol--chasing cars. nice.

I am sabattical.

Gravitating towards passivity.

The wallpaper of meditation.

I'm a Mope.

De 49 year-old son of a bitch was vommitting the entire night. Like some freakshow in action whereby the creep hides in a shadow and makes wicked noises...

at 3.30am, he was still coughing like an ah kaw who tio-ed TB. And the disgusting thing was, he puked all over the living room, hence the patches of white putrid undigested waste in every corner.

There was even a big fat raisin in the middle of the soiled matter.

The worse thing was, he proceeded to lick up his puke each time he regurgitated. Yucks.

Thanks to my highly retarded sister who fed him God knows what--salad and raisins. And I suspect, even mooncake. Freako.

My sister treats him like a trash-can. From 1) durian to 2) broccoli to 3) plain bread 4) bread with natella to 5) orange juice to 6) pieces of chicken and beef my mum cooks to 7) MY SPECIALLY CONCOCTED SALAD WITH RAISIN (idiot lah) which includes celery, cucumber and apples and 8) moooncakes.

Okay, I shan't deny that I am guilty of feeding him kaya bread too. But seriously, we shld have known that nearly all 50 year-olds have dysphagia and for his case, aphasia, agraphia and anomia.

Ahh...whatever. hopes he recovers from food poisoning.

a conversation between Me and [ARIX] หื่นศักดิ์ ลามกภักดี (a.k.a. p) went like this...

me: pee ra pong!
p:i gotta call the cops
p:wait
me:hmm? ok (I really thought sth happened lah!)

*after a while...*

p:ya
p:i called them
p:the police said to track all actions of e**d and report back if theres any contact
p:so......
me:right...
me:bananas man.
me:-_-"
p:>.<
p:haha
p:so what now?
p:coming to bother me at this time

omg. i can so skin pee alive.

meet neurotic pee. the one who lunched with me when i was in suntec. man, that was soooooooo long ago?

ooo i love catching up with girlies

yay. another great outing.

gaAAaaa zhua~~ oh. er..random words. means coooocckroach btw.

hee.

BUT.

i am NOT going to eat another ham and cheese crepe from marche for as long as i live. MARK MY WORDS. today i ate and ate and ate and felt like puking. You see, usually i wld share it with my mum but today my mum wasn't with me. And i was VERY hungry. so i ate all.

And i almost died.

it's my 6th time in marche and the 5th time ordering the exact same thing. blah. The last, perhaps. hee.

I WILL be wearing dark colours from today onwards. WHY? BECAUSE. I AM fat. you know i put on like 11 pounds in 7 mths? For that, I can so slap myself again.

So yeah, there you go. ARGH. i hardly have dark clothes in my wardrobe. Darn it. Son of a biscuit. *swears*

I must lose the 11 pounds by THIS SATURDAY. *sob sob*

yada yada yada. i sat beside jaychou on my way home in the bus. that is, jaychou with a couple of pounds. from the side-view. and i cldn't help turning to my left for like...erm...5 times? feels good sitting beside a cutie man.

but when i got off the bus and saw his face from the front, i tell you my hopes were dashed. need i say more?

No lah, i am just kidding. hehe, just that sometimes fantasy (side-profiles for this case) are less crude=P

Sweet.

today i was feeling rather egoccentric. in the train, i had an urge to do sth from the scene on-set...on everyone who laid eyes on me. It was "Meet the Parents" movie to be exact. Like how Robert De Niro directed his index and middle fingers in each of his eyeballs and proceeded to point it at BenStiller, his to-be-son-in-law, somewhat intimidatingly.

The rationale of cause, was to signal "I am watching you...so don't try anything funny" hehe. Was just being eccentric.

Then there was this commuter in the train who was blasting his headphones at like what, 110 decibels? if he didn't feel the pain, i was definitely suffering. oh well. all i can say is...

happy going deaf. cheers =)

Give Up.

Yes. I shall do just that.

i think i feel better now =)

Do you know it sucks having to hold on to certain things? it just doesn't work that way anymore.

Pple move on, times change. And I just wanna forget abt it.

if pple really love you, they will always have you in their hearts.

The unexpected calls.

You answer it.

You have a [pleasant?] surprise.

You catch up.

You live it.

sorry.

I can't delude myself anymore.

It's just not it.

I'm changing, am I?

Depression

Depression
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
Restlessness, irritability
Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Another type of depression is bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness. Not nearly as prevalent as other forms of depressive disorders, bipolar disorder is characterized by cycling mood changes: severe highs (mania) and lows (depression). Sometimes the mood switches are dramatic and rapid, but most often they are gradual. When in the depressed cycle, an individual can have any or all of the symptoms of a depressive disorder. When in the manic cycle, the individual may be overactive, overtalkative, and have a great deal of energy. Mania often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, the individual in a manic phase may feel elated, full of grand schemes that might range from unwise business decisions to romantic sprees. Mania, left untreated, may worsen to a psychotic state.

oh my gord. this really sounds like me. remember emma, my alter ego? this is bad. i have bipolar depression. i know i do. just that pple don't believe me. what can i do.

how i wish i can scream my lungs out !!!!!!!!!!

oops i did it again.

sorry i haven't been blogging because i was LAZY. Yes.

today i feel terrible. because i went ard screwing pple. and i feel (still) extremely bad. felt even worse when...ah...nvm.

if there was a best advice given by my mum today, it wld be...

"Live everyday like it's your last"

i like this advice alot.

then there was one that i kept repeating to myself.

"Make a decision and move on"

which of course, failed to inspire me.

today, i took bus 162, 4 times. Okay, that's not the point.

I think i sinned ALOT today, ironically. because i went to church today. And met an actor who hasn't acted for a gazillion years. Again, that's besides the point.

And yes, i am trying to repent right now. After being a bitch.

Let's see...the sinnest prayers...

1) i feel bad abt having to stand someone up. sorry. sorry. sorry.

2)

3)

and

i felt like slapping myself.

FREAK.

i think the beach is one holy place, besides the church. i always feel very relieved everytime i am there. somehow the sea beeze always manages to blow away my sorrows, worries and problems. it's just amazing...

anyway, The Best Dad gave me a pair of tickets to...Starlight Cinema
yay.

my heart skipped a beat. i thought it was him.

it feels excruciatingly pain.

I know i will cry IF i ever saw him again.

that was probably the biggest regret in my life but i had to do it.

it was painful seeing him everyday.

ultimately i know where my heart was facing.

it's there; so near yet so far.

and in between, a big 'impossible' separates us.

maybe i am not meant for big things in life.

I am very very confused with my life.

where's my direction?

how i wish i can run away from life...

tell me the truth, is there a silver lining beneath the cloud?

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex...

anybody wanna watch the musical [with me]...? =p before i wallow in self-pity and complain abt the lack of pple appreciating fine arts.

aiy. if there are no takers, maybe i shld i just forget abt it.

sigh sigh sigh...=(

received a sweet forwarded msg from simon to kickstart my day.

thanks :)

only one word to describe what happened today.

"Miracle"

:)

*Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

*if we hold on together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by

For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die

Dreams see us through to forever

As high as souls can fly

The clouds roll by

For you and I

@>---------->---------------

today i went orc. as i walked ard awaiting my mum to knock off, i paced up and down taka, seemingly very lost. not physically, but kind of emotionally.

of course i enjoyed having my own time to myself but sometimes it just gets very lonely. after trying to squeeze into a piece of merchandise, i fell into another lapse of moodswing.

haha...well the squeezing into clothes...maybe i was putting on weight or sth (definitely am). saded. ARGHHHHH...*Plucks hair out*

see lah, work=stress=eat=fat. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......

had planned to watch a movie--either devil wears prada or click. (grrr...YES, I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET) but i was too lazy to walk to cine or lido and i just didn't feel like watching a movie alone today. SO...oh well.

anyway, i stood ard most of the time; leaning agst the brown pillars as the benches were occupied by lovey-dovey couples. i stood there relishing one of the few moments of soothing music from the theatrical screen of the conventional hall in the basement...

FOR ONCE, the music was nice. both mandarin and english. hee =)

then i walked to the new cd store and was qte disappointed to discover the lack of erm...easier cd players to manipulate. i was retarded. i am not gadget-savvy. Thank You.

Okay okay, i was lazy to activate the damn machine. so i just walked ard the store, hoping to find James Blunt's cd--tears and rain. I cldn't even find it!!!...Perhaps someone shld start packing and arranging their stuff.

had dinner at sakae sushi at wheelock place with my mum (because i was spoilt enough to not consume hawker ctr/foodcourt food). my sis joined us later. My 1-mth deprivation of sashimi has finally come to an end =)

aHhhh...i need a bf.

nooOnOnoOoo....THIS cannot be this sarah-syndrome. I REFUSE to bow down to singlehood. NO.

(:

http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=303

ooo...i have no idea which day to book le...probably some day on mon-thurs the 8pm slot...

It's like i wanna watch but dunno when.

It's like i wanna watch but dunno whether shld or not.

freak.

i want to watch forbidden city :(

Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton

I don't mind spending some time

Just hanging here with you

Cuz I don't find too many guys

That treat me like you do

Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride

But when I walk their talk is suicide

Some people never get beyond their stupid pride

But you can see the real me inside

And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

If you show me real love baby

I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty

Be the devil and angel too

Got a heart and soul and body

Let's see what this love can do

Baby i'm perfect for you

My love, ohh oh

I could be your confidante

Just one of your girlfriends

But I know that love's what you want

If tomorrow the world ends

Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?

Now tell me who have you been dreaming of

At night at home?

oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

If you show me real love baby

I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty

Be the devil and angel too

Got a heart and soul and body

Let's see what this love can do

Baby i'm perfect for you

Excuse me for feeling

This moment is critical

Might be me feeling

It could get physical,

oh no, no no

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

If you show me real love baby

I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty

Be the devil and angel too

Got a heart and soul and body

Let's see what this love can do

Baby I'm perfect for you

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Meet my alter ego, she's called Emma.

look. who's tt?

Condolences to croc hunter's family.

quote of the day

On an individual level, the human condition changes day by day, even hour by hour. and while you are soaking yourself in self pity over a misfortune, you might miss every opportunity for a redeeming truimph.

Ok, I 'koped' this from sheryl's blog =P--thanks sheryl...although i didn't get your consent. haha

Ok, in case you're wondering, i am still feeling like shit, lah.

many a times i really feel like giving up (maybe I have). you know how easy it is to say "move on, life goes on" but the truth is, life goes on but NOT WITHOUT THE PROBLEM!" Yes yes, solve it? Com'mon if things were THAT easy to solve, it wldn't be a problem in the 1st place!

I WAS HERE. 25/9 (05)--on dog beach in wilsonprom. isn't it amazing how 1 year changes everything? this was definitely the highlight of my life last year...i miss those 3 days of my life

i hate this.

this is what i've been up to the whole of yesterday and today!

almost done...

at 4am this morning =) this thing is addictive. i told myself, i'll stop after this string has run out. BUT. i never did =P then i threaded the needle so that it won't get lost and i can continue when i wake up. BUT. when the needle was threaded, I started sewing again. Haha.