Today I think she succeeded in getting on my nerves. Kept talking non-stop just because today is the last pbl. Yes. No more fridays more me. no more crs pbls. no more vennawhite and company. So, it was the last tut and she was trying to impress the tutor so that she can pull her marks up. scheming. Told me that she has washed her hands off the other tut by not talking at all and what has she done? Nothing but keep trying to talk. Really scheming. Really.

I think everytime I am angry. The core person I am most angry at is actually myself. annoyed by how easily I let my temper flare at any and every trivial matter. I pray to God for strength and the ability to cope better with my emotions. Everyday I pray. I sincerely do hope something good will come out of this.

I am blarrrrddddyyyyy stressed right now. Tests, assignments, exams. one of the most horrible positions one can be in. Anger makes you lose it. Your senses, your situation and things you already have control of. I prepared my tut. I didn't a chance to contribute, thanks to you. Thanks for shunning away my ideas. Thanks for always saying this you don't mean. And today, thanks for complaining in my ears how stinking you are (literally). I can't smell the crazy kitchen smell to claim to have on your blouse so just drop it, alright? You complained for at least 5 times when pleaseeee, all I wanted was just to LISTEN to the rest and their information, not focus on your crazy blouse and it's crazy smell.

I stepped into the lift this morning. The lift stopped at a particular floor and in came a guy of a dark-skin origin. He was covered with the whiff of some odorous 'perfume'. Seem as if he poured the whole bottle of liquid on to him. It was gross. Well, it wasn't perfume but rather, the smell of his culture. By now, you shld know which culture I am talking abt. A culture abt coconut oils. Yes, you get it, don't you? The 'scent' numbed my olfactory senses. I can't recall if I tried to hold my breath or not.

I am sleepy. How come the number of hours I sleep is never enough? People say, don't waste time sleeping because you can sleep all you want eventually. I don't know abt that. Just know that I am really tired now. Maybe it's just me.

Yesterday, he was walking abt 2m in front of me. Alone. But this time, I didn't sped up to get to him. It's just different this time. I know it's over. Had it been 6 mths ago, perhaps I still wld. But yesterday, I know it was futile. There was no point. There was nothing to say. I had nothing to say. All I cld do was to watch his back and see him stroll off. Did he realise I was behind him? I don't know. Did it matter? Maybe it didn't. I can't always take the initiative...and I think I never will again. To me, it's all a thing of the past. I guess the hardest thing to capture is a person's heart...so after everything, all I can say or do is to let him go...it's hard but I am trying...

Flashing a grin, Aaron (k-w-o-k) said: 'I've never been hurt in relationships. I've always been the one doing the hurting. But I've cried too. Why? Because I felt guilty for breaking people's hearts!'
--What the heck! how's that possible?! unless he never really loved a girl before...how come girls are usually always the ones hurt. Is it a sin to love someone openly, love someone with all their hearts?!...

Then, pausing for effect, he quipped: 'Who knows, if I really meet the right girl, she can have my Lamborghini!', and broke out in raucous laughter.
--Hey dkowl, go marry him (AK) ! then you get your Lamborghini!!=P

~~Oh dreams...take me away...~~

Blah!

Got an urge to swear. Maybe because I saw the f word in someone's blog.

I guess swearing once in a while's got no harm eh?=P

BLARRRRR-DDDYYYYYYYY IDIOTT!!!!!!....

Pls pardon me.

Don't worry it's not you.

(&)(#&($#&()#&#(#(###)*$)_#!!!

(@$()#$#()$#($*#)R$#&($)#

*just imagine me stomping a foot on the ground*

BLAH! is acting like a psycho. I apologize (for any inconvenience caused). +_=

Left halfway during the lect break today. j left too. I was so sian that I left too. behavioural science. pretty much the same stuff as previous lects. depression and anxiety. today was on COPD.

j is becoming aussi-fied on me. Was practically 'yeah-ing' in my face with fake accent. Maybe he is influenced by him. Or maybe he just wants to be a pain in the neck. =P

He didn't come for lect today.

Stop giving him excuses lah. If that's the truth then I have to accept it right?...

I think it will feel good if I were immune that.

I must learn to grow up.

On my way back, this china guy and his wife asked me for road directions. "wic-to-ria mar-kat?....." Told him the way. Was kinda tongue-tied. "zhi2 zou3 blah blah blah...(as in walk straight), zai4 na4 ge4 JUNCTION..." haha I made a hand signal. JUNCTION!="shi2 zi4 lu4 kou3!". was kinda disgusted at myself. Haha. Oh well, he understood me. I felt a little better actually after I realised that I was at least some help to someone.

Realised that I have been more philosophical ever since last year. Maybe it's a bad thing.

Talking to myself more and more often.

Was fiddling in my pocket with the radio thingy. Doesn't seem to work. So had silence for these couple of days on my way to school and back. Silence. Decided to stop fishing ard in the pocket and let it be. If it wants to come on by itself, it will. Unfortunately it didn't and I know it never will. So I was back to fiddling it until I decided to give up. Shall roam the streets without music. Blah. Amazing how I can relate this to some life event. Haha. Crazy me.

Melted cheeeeeeeese and ham and bread for lunch. Yum.

This morning, was waiting at the vic mark junction traffic light when I turned to get a shock of my life. This old guy happened to come so close to me that I turned and was appalled to see his face. happened to look at me then. Bleh. Weird happenings.

I feel so super retarded. Was searching (frantically) for adam's email add-for pbl lah. haha. cldn't remember where I wrote it. Finally recalled after 20 min of searching.

Another stupid thing I did: copied down all the learning issues for jy and realised that they were all in the printed out notes. I am so smart eh. *knocks myself in the head*

crap. I miss my mum's lotus soup. what the heck. Was reading zaobao and was recommending my mum several alternatives to cook porridge with and I realised that I miss her lotus soup desert. what crap right. Yah, I know.

Right now, I've got to ENDURE the hardship. 7 mths. It'll come. Soon. =)

lalalaaa~

thx for the tag. haha...someone pls cook for me!!!=P

Got craving for sashimi. NOW. Bleh. Roo meat as well. lalala~

Deserted streets. A depressing sight. Like only 5 cars in action. The rest (6 or so) are parked by the roadside. The sky darkens at 620pm. Nth much to see in the city. It's monday evening. Public holiday. If only tmr was a public holiday too. Can't wait for the next hol BUT not swot vac. Thx. That isn't a holiday at all. It's a gruelling 1 wk of mugging. =(

I need to find new food. Took some meat out of the fridge and realised I ate that yest. Took another piece-I ate that this afternoon. Another kind- it's too big, I can't break it up because it's frozen. So sad. Nth to eat.

I am sleepy again. Woke up at 1030, did routine stuff. vacuumed, folded clothes, bathed. Blah. I am sian. got to stardddddyyyy........grrrrrr.......

It just struck me that I miss home. Was reading some singapore website and the hk series. 7pm and 9pm prime time shows. I miss them. I wish I was home.

It occurred to me that most of the sayings are unreal. People say for the sake of saying it and also perhaps for comfort.

"...the one who is worth your tears won't make you cry."
"You reap what you sow."
"Good girls get good guys."-had this when I was p6. haha!
"This is a silver lining in the cloud."

Like whatever. Somehow they don't seem apply.
I was thinking, I am always critising things until even when I truly experience something nice, I know I don't see it because I am blinded by the downs. However, I guess it is partly because of fear. When we really light up because of a heart-warming thing, we kind of are more predisposed to experience an emotional roller-coaster--those which you have a peak and a plunge all the way down, until you are at ground level.

Had an angina attack during tut today. Fear overwhelmed me. My chest just got pain all of a sudden. Just by sit there, doing nothing. I wasn't even talking. For a while I thought, what if I just collapse on my way out of the class? I was afraid because I wasn't in the apartment or sth. It wasn't the first time. But that incident felt like the last. I was truly intimidated then. I tried to calm down and breathe deeply to stop my heart from palpitating so fast. I can't emphasize more on the trepidation I had then. esp when we were discussing atherosclerosis and angina. I was pretty sure I had unstable angina.

On my way back...nvm. shan't discuss.

I met mic at the mall. He was with his gf. Most likely. Then when I came bk, it hit me that good guys are either gays, attached or dead. what is with the leftover species?...Just like how often I have my pms, they are just as bad with their mood-swings and perhaps arrogance. *shrudders*
It's just like finding a needle in a haystack. Worse still, in the atlantic ocean.

Faced some rubbish in sch today. From the same pple basically Oh well. Trash is always everywhere. Can't really help it. =X (pun intended)=P

Anyway, went gym just now after my sis asked me to. Haha just realised that I am pretty compliant. Haha. Before that went to melb central. Haha. Yes, AGAIN. My hangout every friday. Somehow. Got her a little tiramisu cake for her bday this sun...Got a cinamon roll. Yum!!! Reminded me of the raffles city one. Haven't eaten one in ages!!...Pigging again. Been pigging alot lately. The cravings just overwhelm me. =P

Weather sux again. 26d. How idiotic. It's autumm!!!...It's supposed to be 18 degrees!=P

With this kind of weather. I sooooooo wanna go to the beachhhhhhh!!!!!!.......=

I dream to live by the beach. And then again, after the tsunamis, maybe no...

lalala~

Happy anzac day pple...

Happy birthday to pple who are celebrating their birthdays. Good day for those who are going to the beach. Happy recruitment for those going to ns. Good luck for pple taking exams. Good mood for pple feeling sucky.

And lastly, have a nice day for trashy pple who are somehow always trying to make me feel horrible.

6 mths and counting...=)

On Leader Test Results:
You are the leader Pot Smokers emulate. You are Che Guevara. You have your own revolutionary arty style. Dying tragically on a mountain appeals to you.

Hah!..

On Classic Movie Test Results:
You are Sunset Boulevard. You are all about fame and success and avoiding being seen as ordinary.

hmm?

Monday is over!=) Well another long day.

Today everytime I saw adam, I felt like laughing because I was reminded of that dream. haha

Today we did splinting for physio prac. Will post pics soon. Qte interesting. =P It's like making a cast. So there were like abt 3-4 frying pans in the physio prac room with water in them. So basically we melt this flat sheet of thingy until it is pliable. And use a pair of scissors ($ 80/90!!!) a special pair that is used to cut splints. haha. What an expensive pair of metal scissors!...Hmm and the splint (each hard flab we got) was said to cost $30 each. *Tsk tsk*. We had to work fast because the splint wld become so hard that we cldn't cut it. Sounds like clay huh...except that it wasn't powdery and stuff. but when we immersed it in the bubbling water, we had to use a spatula to move in so that it won't get stuck to the pan...=) you shall see the pics!...

Was thinking...It wld be easier for me if I just accepted that it was over. Then I wldn't feel so bad...(maybe?). Anyway, it is over. So I just have to accept it. hehe=P and that is the hardest thing to do-letting go.

I am hungry...

splint splint splint splint splint splint splint.  

this reminds me of the phantom of the opera mask. hehe 

this is how you put it on...=p 

and again... 

my ugly splint=P 

pharmacology textbk. hah.  

hehe. my mum's friend came with her kids to my place just now to pass me sth. Haven't met them in nearly 2 years! Time flies. Only met them a couple of times but my mum's been keeping in touch with them. On seeing them, I don't even remember seeing them before. haha in other words, it seems as if I have never met them before because 1) I don't remember how they looked like 2) Somehow they have changed from 2 yrs. Haha. Geez. Point is, the lady commented that I grew taller (which is not true...=X) and I looked better and I put on weight. hmm...I hope she didn't mean that 'I looked better BECAUSE I put on weight'. Haha. whatever lah. I wasn't offended. More like amused? hehe. oh well. It's isn't the 1st time anyway. When I back home 1 1/2 yrs ago, after college that is, my relatives said I looked better too but I didn't say that I put on weight. Haha. Anyway, I know that I did put on weight. Thing is, are these 2 things linked-looking better and putting on weight? hahaa...Weirdo. lalala~~ I have to lose weight man. hehe...^00^

Weird

last night I dreamt of adam-this caucasian guy from my pbl class. Funny. It was kinda dramatic. So weird! Then couple of days ago I dreamt of ruby's friend. Like he looked like my junior but he is super tall and ruby intro-ed him as her friend, my senior. She told me his name and now I forgot. Weird!!!!!!!................

Oh I just remembered. It's andrew sth. hahaaa...when I woke up it reminded me of haz's experience abt her dreaming of a guy called daniel foo who she didn't know who it was. who the heck is andrew? haha. I don't personally know any andrews right now.

Boredom

LOL. haha

Was doing a quiz and apparently, I like guys who make up 6% of the male population while I make up 8%. And the possibility of me meeting such a guy is 3%. Haha. Nice.

Jesse Mccartney is cute...=)

Yay. Nice weather. Like 15 degrees yesterday? In the day=) pple prob disagree with me coz it was raining almost the whole day. Rain in I don't know how many dog years. hehe. Oh well...I like the temp.

Is time passing fast? Like week after week after week? Or is it only me? Some how it's always friday. Felt funny today. I didn't see him today. Maybe he was sick or sth because it was pouring yesterday. But the funny thing is, I always hoped that I won't see him in school, so it's just weird having to turn my head to a particular corner during lecture. I am becoming schizophrenic. Speaking of which, I think J is schizophrenic. Met him outside the Old Arts before lect today and I just said hi. Then he asked me why I was looking at him that way. Like what way? Normal what!!!...Crazy uh...Not like I like him or something!...haha I seriously cannot stand it when pple think that I have a crush on them when they are probably the last person on earth I'd ever lay my eyes on. Haha. =X Weird stuff.

Physio ball is coming. I feel like going but then again, what's the point when I don't even have a partner or sth. Perhaps that's not the main thing but I just having to dress up knowing that no one will even bother what you wear is pretty sad. Kind of no motivation to choose dresses. Then again, it's not as if I will really go into intense shopping to get a dress. =P So confusing. Just no mood I guess.

Life is so ironic.

Was walking ard the city for a birthday present for my sis. Can't really remember the last time I went in search for a present. Probably xmas last year. Anyway, it isn't easy searching for a decent card and of course present. Had in mind what to give already but I cldn't find it at the shop. Bleh.

I feel weird I feel weird I feel freaking weird. Yesterday I was thinking...because it was raining, I pictured that the most romantic setting for a love story wld take place on a rainy day...somehow like that in 'turn right turn left'. It's just so sweeeeeet. Hehe...that's what you get with pisces. Dream dream dream...I wonder why I dream so much too. Maybe because it doesn't happen to me so the only way to curb any temptations (or maybe sweeeeeet seductions...haha) is to dream and imagine and be in a world where I am happiest. hehee...=P

I know I've been MIA for nearly a week. Oh well. Fact is, I did blog last fri...took more than 1/2 hr to jolt down all my sorrows. Haha. In the end? You guessed it, blogger died on me...just when I clicked the publish post button..."page not available" haha. Right. Oh well. I was surprised I didn't flare up. Probably used to it already. What's even more amazing was that it took me longer than usual to blog (1/2 hr) because I was feeling really down that day. haha. Well, immediately after that happened, I think I was laughing inside. Like, perhaps I was feeling really trashy that day, with all the swollen eyes and stuff, nothing cld have made me worse...even when the blog conked out. Haha. lalala~

And another reason why I haven't frequented here anymore was because I have reverted back to the old conventional diary=) That's worthy of a celebration eh? After abandoning it for more than 2 yrs. hehe I finally got down to my old friend. Still as trust-worthy as ever. At least after 1/2 of all my rantings, it is still in the diary. haha. I was qte appalled that I actually had the inspiration to write a 9 page mandarin poem in my diary! hehe. Good ole' diary. I guess that was the original thoughts because they were all locked up in my head all these (hard) times.

Actually coming to think of it, there was qte a lot of content in there in friday's blog. haha but I'll never see it again. So will you who is reading this. All in all, went for lunch with the yr1s, ending crying all the alone because I was crestfallen. Sat and cried for 1/2 hr at melb central. haha.

Anyway, the important thing is that, on consulting my friend, she told me how to forget a person. Seems to be qte a handy tip if you ask me. No debates. DON'T debate with me, that is, because I think it's the best idiot-proof advice anyone can give. hmm...I learnt that in times of sadness, I have only God to turn to and of course myself. The going is tough but coming to think it, perhaps God and myself are the only ones actually willing to listen to whatever I have to say. Listening. What a virtue. I think it's been a while since I last confided my deepest innermost thoughts in a friend. The most often person wld be God but other than that, I don't think I have done that in a while. hmm let's see...perhaps the most recent one wld be 7 mths ago? haha. One of the reasons I don't do that (anymore) is because I reckon no one will be interested in my adding to their already full pile of lists of problems. No man really deserves more problems aparts from their own, really. Another reason is that, I think each time I face the problem myself, I grow stronger, instead of being more dependent on another friend or something of similar sorts. The last reason wld be that I am trying to run away from it. So by not talking abt my problems to friends, I guess I get a temporary relief of not having to face it. There you go.

I had an urge to pen sth down but when I look at the blog screen I just don't feel like. It's kind of more like what I think rather than what I write although what I write is what I think. It's just seems different and funny. I think I think too much...bleh...

was reading on article in the newpaper regarding viet brides and s'porean grooms.

As quoted "Overseas men are less violent and more loving to their wives."

-the viet brides sure are a naive bunch-

I am so sian. sian until cannot sian anymore. Got a tut later as well. Think I will just shut my mouth. aiy, but I am the 2nd reader today. crap. Ok, I am rambling on. I am so sleepy. woke up at 6am for an 8am class today. 8am starts suck.

crs prac was crappy as usual. the tutor gave us a break at 10min for the end because apparently he said he was hypoglycemic and he need glucose. like...oK. It's weird lah coz he is rather burly. and like never came across tutors who decided to stop because they were hungry. whatever.

on my way to the comp lab, came across another 'interesting' conversation. Coincidentally, from the same area that I last heard abt the kissing thingy. Anyway, this girl said "The one who eats the magic mushroom is clearly......" I didn't hear the last bit because 1stly I was sian. 2ndly, I was walking to the physio building. magic mushroom? eh...hmm...maybe she's still reading a fantasy story book. Bleh.

Just realised that tmr's lunch at pancake parlour is for the international yr 1s and 2s. sian sian sian. like interaction club like that. Argh.

met jenny at union hse. asked me if I was going to fri night market. I said no and she exclaimed "busy? you have a bf right?.................." with a cheeky laugh. I was like "er.............no." eh? friday night not free means must have bf meh? haha...she's so funny...=P anyway, she's still so friendly lah, overwhelming me with friendliness and enthusiasm=)

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I want to go back and sleep.

Stupid eric just came into the comp lab to ka chau me. came to me and told him he went home to sleep. v shuang3. yan3 jing1 shui3 wang1 wang........... !#%$#R(&(*. Ah. whatever. I am sooooooo lethargic...not like barry's tut will help in any way. Haha. He's a natural tranquilizer. Imagine the pain and agony. = -_-

hmm...time to go for tut already. 2 hrs...Just bear with it gal...^_^"

lame lame lame lame lame lame lame lame lame. I always this see mirror image of what I think and say=p And then again, I don't believe in spiting.

Been feeling sick since mon. I think I've got food poisoning. I really don't know. My tummy just doesn't feel right.

I am going to zzzzzzzz.......=)

Don't let me walk alone...

I think I can really relate to what a friend blogged...

Got permission to copy! thx! haha=)

If you see me walking the road with someone else
It's not because I like his company
Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases meIts because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat
If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Its because you're not there to catch me fall
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound
Don't let me walk with him
It's you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with.

When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat
I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship
When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch
If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around, Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don't let me talk of something else
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for someone else
It's you I want to fall in love with

Listening to: The Reason

Another song I enjoy over the radio. It goes sth like this
Tried to fly away but it's impossible...
sth sth sth...haha I can't remember...
qte a new song I think. maybe a mth? but who knows, probably even older...this radio station is always lagging. haha

Monday is finally over!=)

The day started out pretty horrible I guess. Was feeling a little sick on my way to school so I walked to the next stop...outside melb central and decided to take a tram instead. Perhaps it was due to the butterflies in my stomach as a result of the test...the test...no comments. Shall wait till I get the results. *cross my fingers*

Wanted to print out lect notes because it wasn't up on topclass the night before (as usual) and I was so glad that I met ruby in the physio comp lab after a couple of negative replies to credits in the photocopying card. senior's so sweet. Managed to help me ask another senior for a photocopying card and I didn't have to walk all the way to brownless lib to update my card!...=)

Had wanted to jolt down some issues when I got back but decided not to. Just 1 simple qn. Open to anyone. Ok, make that 2. Why is it so hard to forget someone? How do you forget someone? I just want the answers. I think I know all the crappy theories behind that so I shall not elaborate. I just want the answers to the couple of qns.

I liked the weather today. It was nice and cooling. worked with jen for physio prac today. she is such a darling and she is so sweet=) Then met vict outside the old arts lect theatre. Hey gal...Just relax okay? Things will be just fine...=) Btw...so sorry that I cldn't chat much just now because the lect was commencing...Anyway yup...take care and I'll see you soon!!!...Don't stress!!!=)

Aiy...don't know why I am always feeling hungry. worse thing is I don't feel like eating. At least not that keen. had half of my sushi (the big one) at like 4pm and I am hungry at 6pm again. I am so lazy to cook yet I don't feel like eating bread nor eat takeaway. Haha. I am so troublesome. Oh well.

If I cld change one thing...I just wished that I hadn't felt anything then and now. I really wish I will never see him again. Well hopefully things will change for better for me.

Oh my. I think I am one the last one to be informed of the death of the pope. I think it is very heart-wrenching. Was watching this channel abt the flashback of the pope's life and how he touched pple's heart. I was being oblivious of the sad news-until I read the papers. Although I was in no way acquainted with the pope, I still feel that his moving on is a sudden loss for all catholics throughout world. Well...on the other hand, I think that it is time that God ended his sufferings from his illness. The pope deserves to be in heaven with God now...

Have you ever woken up in the morning and realised that you missed someone so badly? I felt it the 1st thing I awoke this morning. It was really depressing. Like how you are here and she is there. I am talking abt my high school good friend. I saw her in a dream. I cried in the dream. I dreamt that my family and I went to her house...which corners happened to look similar to my house. I dreamt that she was back from California and she invited me over to her house. She gave me a stuff toy pig that was seemingly high-tech. You cld draw a mouth shape on the board behind it and it wld appear on the stuff toy. Coming to think of it...it is freaky...=X.

I haven't met her since end of 2003. That's qte long. Although I see her online all the time, it just doesn't feel right to click there and say hi because she is always so busy and for the past few times she had been on away mode. Melancholic huh? How you really want to talk to someone but don't know what the outcome wld be like. Had always wanted to send her a card but never got down to it. Wonder why. The american stamp is still in wallet...it's been there since beginning of last year I think. Oh well. Someday...I hope someday we will meet again...

The dream was surreal...I cried in there because apparently in the dream she went off as quickly as she had appeared and I was so sad that I didn't know when I wld see her again. I asked her sister and she told me 7th mar and I stopped crying. And I woke up. I lay in my bed thinking about the whole thing. 7th mar is over. I woke up and I was thinking...when did the dream supposedly take place? I cldn't possibly meet her at her home because I was here (in the wretched place) so...I thought it cld have taken place either in nov, dec or jan. But that can't be the thing because the last time I met her was end of 2003! So...it never happened...it was only a dream. =( When can I see her again?...

Thunderstorm outside my window. The aluminium shelters at the top of buildings are making a clanking sound. 1 min later...The dark clouds are gone...Ah!...just passing clouds...=( it's a crazy bright and sunny day...=(