Sigh. Mixed Feelings.

And so my stint is over. Today was an upheaval day. I just cldn't stop feeling guilty. guilty. guilty. Was some what mixed when i started my day. Happy that i didn't have to jostling and elbow pple in the mrt any longer, esp during sch hols and those stupid kids...then I don't know why. BUT sad that i won't be wking with them any more. why do pple have to be nice when ure leaving? That nice and kind christian lady bought me a carrot cake from crosstalk. It was gooooooood--sth that i had always wanted to try everytime I walked past every morning. Then today i had to stand in for the receptionist during lunch and that christian lady wanted to buy me lunch but i cldn't go away so she bought a slice of the cake bk for me. And my mum reminded me that I wasn't even from her dept so technically speaking, i wasn't under her and she wasn't obliged to do that. THEN that woman bought me a 30 pc box of ferraro rocher which i shared with the dept lah. Point is, yah she didn't have to again. Sigh. was qte touched. But...geez. It's part and parcel of life yah?

Oh in the morning the old man (my proclaimed mentor) called the 3 of us in--(the other girl was on leave) and started a talk abt responsibility and abt how we are the pillars of the future. Yes, More preaching from him. He sounded somewhat annoyed yet sad and though i feared a little that he might in every likelihood halt 2 of us from leaving the office on our last day, Thankfully, he didn't and THAT'S why I feel very bad. The nicer someone is towards me, the worse i feel. blah. And when we were in the middle of the'lecture', the WOMAN came in and almost quarrelled with him, for trying to stop us from leaving. Then she said she wanted me to do sth for her, (it's kinda an excuse for me to get out of the sticky situation--which I think I was thankful to her for doing that and getting me out of that tense room) And I felt bad again. ARGH. what's with me!!!!!

During lunch, my mentor happened to walk past the reception and saw me alone so he approached me and questioned my decision and the future, abt whether I wld come bk and work there again or not. He wanted my hp number (which he already had) and my email address. I felt bad. ARGH. Please don't treat me so nice. I loathe it.

Then the receptionist bought me 3 slices of square PIZZA from pizza hut. Technically, they are her leftovers from lunch. Initially, she asked me what i wanted, so i said anything. then later she asked if the personal pan pizza was fine for me? Then i said yes. But the thing I felt saddest was that I HAD TO EAT LEFTOVERS FOR STANDING IN FOR HER SHIFT. Hey, I don't get paid extra for covering others duties, in case you were wondering. So yah, I cld have by all means refuse and enjoy my last lunch. DaRn.

Sigh sigh sigh. I suddenly feel very empty. It's like a few mths of gruelling work and suddenly, I am just another bummer and wastral. =( Then the other person-in-charge of me approached me for the 2nd time and asked me if I cld extend my stay. another Headache for me and another boo boo for my day. I feel really bad for having to leave the chores behind despite the pleads. I hate myself for being soft-hearted. It hurts ALOT. :'( but i know that if i stay, i might never get a chance to leave again. Esp when everything is in the midst of it. Tell Me Lord, That I Made The Right Choice.

The biggest highlight of the day was: MY BOSS HUGGED ME. &^#*$&^$ I am totally amused. TOTALLY. *rolls eyes* Chattered with him abit. How ironic to only talk to me on the last day. He asked me why i was leaving and stuff. yada yada yada. And he said, "see you again"--even more amusing. Hehe. No thanks =P Oh and that WOMAN'S expression humoured me the most. I didn't realise this until I got on the bus. She looked really angry [at me] actually and I really believed that she missed me already. HAhaHR =P Little thatI realise that, i recalled that she SAW me hugging the boss. OUCH. for her. I wld have given her the opportunity to hug him man. It wasn't sth I wanted anyway!!!!!!! I wldn't vie with her for puke's attention since I know she wld probably DIE for a hug from him, which i cldn't and wldn't even care less. Hah. Anyway, I think I left before I cld suffer her wrath, thankfully=P

Tmr 2 more pple are coming into my dept, not to cover my duties but it's the new boss for the other side and this other person. Don't know who. A trader maybe. And so my seat will be empty for now...:)

END OF STORY. Still sad. I need consolation and a freaking Higher EQ. Sigh.

I need a hug (not from the ex-boss):'(

HapPie=)

Tonight my mum treated me to nooch. Damn it was good. 2nd time having it. Still as good. thx shu for recommending. hehe. Wanted to go down to town for dinner with my mum at heerens marche because apparently they have a larger variety of food--ooohhh...that waffle ice-cream man. i lurrvvvve it. unfortunately, it's been closed down. So yup, decided to head down to sushi tei. Then we were on waiting list with our cell phone numbers recorded down. 15min later (as they said..Ok i was really hungry...so 10min) into empty anticipation, cldn't tahan anymore and we stepped into nooch which had been in front of us the entire time. I love dinners with mum! =P

bought back some dinner...no, not leftovers for my dad and sis. biggy sis happened to be home too! yada yada yada, as usual and she MADE me excuse myself from the dinner table so that she cld tell to my mum abt her 101 bfs. heh. overall, it was nice to have family dinners together=) cheerios to that!

I feel kinda reflective abt work. it feels just like yesterday, yet it's been a while, actually. Don't think I will miss them but yup, whatever it is, i can't help scrolling back to the past when things seemed fine and how kinda excited i was. But oh well. Life goes on, yeah? Everything is just temporary. hopefully, there's a better opportunity out there. Somewhere.

I hereby officially declare that:

I do not mind short guys, as long as they are cute.

--this is chee ko ah mm speaking--

I was just thinking, how I will never see guitar guy in the mrt and that cute hunk and in the mall again...*sob sob*. Then Viola~ that cute hunk walked past me. That's only the 157th time he did that. but bleah, he never looked at me. haha. If i really wanted to see him, you know i can always wake up at 7am,, stroll to the bus stop and walk thru that freaking mall...just to catch a glimpse of Him. HhAhA. Ok lah, i am not that desperate (YET).

How morbid. Got to my desk yest morning. Got a note: **** wld you pls give me a copy of the invoices and the bdrs. thx. ***** 25/5/06. I hate it when i've got surprises like these. I have a weak heart.

my mum just said she wanna intro me to her friend's son. Haha. HhahHA. HAHHAhaHAHAHRR.

NO.

pardon me for being an ignorant-hormone-raging schoolgirl. but i think chad michael murray has looks that can kill (ME ME ME!) Unfortunately i can't post his pics online. but check out the clean-shaven version, esp the one in 'cinderella story'.

OMG...I am just drooling lah. HahAR...
p.s. you were warned.

Taking 855 is such a delight. Because i've waited half my life for it. and there are always interesting pple on board.

Today I saw my aunt board the bus a couple of stops from mine. I freaked out. Made myself less prominent. Took out my pink cap and proceeded to squirm in the corner. hehe. No, you don't understand. She's the last person on earth you'd wanna make contact with. This union cld be fatal. Basically EVERYONE will know where I was headed for. Or the details of the last 6mths of my life. *shivers*. hehe.

I love my corolla. Simple yet elegant=) But of course in the presence of Alpha Romeo (woohoo~) it wld seem pale in comparison.

Killer stats today. Pissy mood. blah. Feel somewhat a wee bit relieved. It's Sat man! Let's party. Long awaited. So much to do, so little time on my hands. 1) I wanna go cycling 2) I wanna go clubbing 3) I wanna drive, without going thru the hassle of having to learn it 4) I wanna go shopping. GSS is on man! 5) I NEED to get off my ass and stop living like a couch potato.

My neighbour's having a BBQ-again. And i'm not invited. How sad. Smells good. They sure make vERY good use of their BBQ pit. I wonder what event it is this time. Haven't had a BBQ in eons.

I wanna attend a wedding dinner. Hey You. Get Married Soon. This is an ORDER. I wanna dress up in pretty dresses and eat my bird's nest soup.

Babble babble babble. To the pple I see everywhere: Stop staring. Didn't your mum tell you that it's Rude to Stare! *Gawks* hehe. Am serious. I hate it when pple stare [at me]. Like com'mon, what's there to look at [me]. Move on you Ah Chek, Ah Pek, Ah Ma, Ah Boy, Ah Ger. Hmph!

heyhey. Yeah, thanks for helping me with my doubts--> or when I HAVEN'T EVEN OPENED MY MOUTH. I appreciate it. BUT what i WANT to know is HOW to do it. Not copy each of your goddamn answers (maybe in exams) during the tutorials. So stop shoving your answers in my face during tutorials and going "NAH...THERE..THE ANSWER IS THERE...I GOT IT ALREADY. JUST PUT YOUR NUMBERS HERE AND TYPE IN *****." Damn it, YOU GOT IT, BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THE QUESTION!!!!! be it the NY high sch thingy or I just hate being pushed ard. but Yes, I DON'T NEED SOMEONE TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME. THANKS, BUT NO THANKS GIRL.

OH. And of all things, my worst nightmare EVER: I dreamt that that miserable bag of puke was my maths tcher.

1st things 1st, FCUK stats. =( I am not exactly a stats buff you know. *depressed*

I think i hadn't gained anything from work except mass, that is. How forlorn.

No lack of my fair share of strange dreams. last night, I dreamt that the witch gave me a half-sewn teddy bear. It was adorable. And absurb. Coming to think of it, it might have been a voodoo doll. -_-"

Another strange dream. I dreamt that I kissed...uh...nvm. haha. HAhAHHR. oops.

Sigh...whatever stats is doing to me.

Of witches, trolls and evil grimlins

Sunday nights always suck for some obvious reasons. Need me explain more? Anyway, I totally cant be bothered with those bitches. They can stay stuck slogging in the mother of a biscuit Office trying to suck up to the miserable bag of puke Boss for the rest of their lives. While yours truly, has greater things to do than to watch them being hunted down for late invoices and unpaid credit and debit notes=) Ah...what an enjoyment. Seriously, if they really really really need to talk abt or bitch abt pple, they can go screw themselves and eat my foot as i kick their asses. Haha. Ok, enough of fantasizing. Oh man. How I wish. hehe sweet dreams pple. Have a great week ahead, as i count down the days, hrs, minutes and secs...

I wrote a post abt how depressed I was abt my life. I checked my email. My mum sent me an email. I realised that there's so much to be thankful for. So I deleted the post=)

What started off as a disgusting day turned out pretty interesting. Yesterday, the other 3 temps were on leave for some reason. Not like I cared because I hardly spoke to them anyway. So there I was, autistic once again, speaking less than 5 sentences for the entire day. Got used to it already. Anyway, I was kinda grossed out by a bitch who i recalled scolded me on the 1st wk of work. Oh and how I can't stand her speak. A sweet mousie voice that actually always turns out to be bitching abt pple. yesterday, be it egoeccentric or whatsoever, I was 99% sure she was talking abt me. Because 1stly i heard the other temp girl's name from my dept's and 2ndly, each time I turned ard she kept looking at me, with her usual horrid grinch-like frown. She always manages to pull that demon-face of two knitted brows everytime she spoke, or rather, bitches abt pple, esp temp staffs. She's been giving pple that (the whole world offended me face) since the 1st day of work. Anyhow, I am very glad I didn't feel like crying AT ALL. Of course to have someone backstabbing you didn't feel good but Really, I don't give a damn abt her. Nor abt any hypocrites in the office=) Yipee-doo-da!

Then there's this other temp girl in the finance dept who been bitching to me abt everyone again. And once she starts, she NV stops. Serious. I was so sian so I thought let's just meet up and chill out in the Ladies instead of bitching online to each other. In the toilet...She was telling me abt her AM, abt this crap person, that crap person, and another temp. ---basically, almost everyone she's been in contact with. And I thought, Damn it. Am I that bad too? Maybe i've been bitching just like her. ARgh. That's horrid man. But one thing for sure, I guess I dun say that much as her? Haha I don't know. Maybe that just makes 2 of us. Well she just told me that she's got a new job and will be resigning on mon and she seems very happy abt it, despite the complaining for God-knows-how-long to me about her ass. manager and even from pple from my dept. BLAH. Know what? Maybe it's just THE OFFICE=)

Then the later part of the day, I met up with my sec 1/2 classmate whom i hadn't spoken for...in like 6 yrs I guess. I happened to be online (as always) and she invited me to a musical like 2 hrs before I was supposed to meet her. A local musical held at NUS cultural hall--because her friend cldn't turn up last min. Boy, the last musical I watched was Les Miserable. This musical was good. And NUS was awesome. My 1st time into the cultural faculty (btw, it's not FAIR-CULT TEE ...someone once told me that they said that and I never believed it to be true...until I heard them SPEAK yesterday -_-" ) Anyway, the musical was called "Man of Letters" by Dick Lee, starring RobinGoh, neoSweeLin (the PCK grandma I think) and LimKaySiu. Man it was goooooood...It's a love story (love triangle) back in the 1950s in which singapore's been fighting the british for independence. And RobinGoh's sooooo cute=P although the circle seats were way way far at the back and the actors were seemingly as tiny as ants, he was still cute. Haha. He's a splendid singer though I prefered the 2nd lead male's voice=P and the lead actress's voice was just as good I reckon. A crystal-clear voice of an angel that resounded in my head. Loved that. The ticket stated that it was a nearly $30 ticket (probably for a circle seat) but I felt that it shld be worth more, considering they were professionals...I think it was a mammoth production because they were sponsored by a handful of sponsers (which we found in our little bags of door gifts) haha. Oh and the complementary dinner at NUS which every specie called a singaporean queued anticipatingly for. There was a buffet, a small bowl for laksa, muah chee, kuehs and a meagre bowl of ice-kacang (which I hungrily scoffed down the leftovers...hahA!) For some reason, the NUS business sch seemed alluring. I never had the chance to even think of doing business because of my parents. Science, Science, Science was the natural 1-way traffic for me. Typical singaporean. almost everything's planned out nicely (well maybe not THAT nicely) by my parents. Sigh.

the show ended at 1030pm but I only got home at 1230am, fearing that I might not even make it home for the night. Geez, my friend thought this certain bus outside NUS wld take us to the mrt station (maybe clementi or queenstown). Ended up snaking through almost the whole neighbourhood of JURONG EAST (except the MRT station) and CCK. Asked the bus driver for the nearest mrt station--CCK. Right..............(@&$#*#$ I almost cried man. It seemed forever that we wld never arrive at an mrt where I was dying to take and fly home and just die on my bed. ( I was THAT tired) So at some point in time, i saw this guy got down and i thought "hmm...that looks like a mrt station" maybe it was CCK. IT WAS AN LRT=( Low Morale. Blah. 1130pm and still stuck at CCK. I had planned to catch the last bus of 52 at 1145pm but i cldn't make it in time for CCK and Jurong east was...er...not a stone's throw away? So my next plan: get to j8 and take the last bus of 410 at 1230am Home. Finally got into the marina bay line to discover that it wld terminate at AMK. HALLELUYA. just 1 more stop to j8. (#$)(##$& i sat in the train for abt 7 stops before i realised..."Wait a min...THIS TRAIN DOESN'T TAKE ME HOME!" (I'm pretty slow, if you don't already know...) Sweared again under my breath. Then I called 911, I meant home, for rescue. No choice. was desperate to go home. Either do or die. Alighted at AMK and took a cab home instead. LOL. That marked the end of my-2hr Journey home from NUS.

Happy Bdae Mummy!=)

i will be having a 5 hr lect today. Wish me luck.

ok...i am unofficially free. If you know what i mean. still ruminating abt the decision which i know i totally shldnt be. Don't worry, i'll be fine tmr. When the thing completely sinks into my head and registers in my brain=) actually i am kinda excited abt my new-found darling called 'freedom' which also happens to be known as a loafer.

G, your best adventures are Unexpected Endeavors

Checking out a new art exhibit, catching a baseball game, or just picnicking in the park — who knows where you'll find yourself next? You are an adventurer in the truest sense — spontaneous and flexible with a passion for trying new places and things.With your easygoing nature, you are the quintessential road tripper. No maps, no plan, no timelines. You'd rather let the road take you wherever it may lead. North, south, east, or west — your inner compass has no limits. So give it a spin and let it decide where your next adventure will be!

G, your true color is Blue!
You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances.

G, your emotions are triggered by your underlying belief in Loyalty

In other words, your uncompromisingly loyal nature directly affects how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can connect on a meaningful level with friends, family, and others in your community. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in loyalty and the range of emotions it triggers.Based on your belief in loyalty, where do you rank in the emotional landscape? Which of your emotions dominate your life? And how can you learn to control your emotions?

1. have you ever use a penknife to cut yourself?nah. merely used fingernails to scratch meself.
2. why did you do it? sad/angry
3. have you been to another country w/o parents? yup!
4. who do you love right now? God, mummy and daddy
5. do you believe in love at first sight? nah
6. ever felt so jealous of your friend? of coz
7. what was the last thing you did? talk crap with my bro
8. what is the past that you miss alot? my close friends
9. who was the last person you ate with? nobody...as usual.
10. how many times has your page been viewed? mua has no idea
11.how's the weather right now? windy
12.last person you called today? mummy!
13. last person who called you?mummy!!
14. last song you sang? Because of YOU
15. last time you danced? Last night?
16. lost a friendship over something stupid? i guess so
17. smoke? yeah...hah! nah
18. dumped someone before? Sure
19. been really depressed before?who hasnt
20. faked being sick to miss school? eh...to miss work ? =P
21. what time did you wake up today? 705am
22. current taste? blend
23. what sports do you do? walking and swimming
24. what are you wearing right now? nightgown...as in pjs
25. are you too shy to ask anyone out? Guys maybe...haha
26. what is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their height
27. where are u now? my temporary paradise, my room.
28. what date is it? 08/05/2006
29. current thoughts? Y am I doing this?
30. did u go somewhere yesterday? nope!
31. what did u do there? chilling out at home
32. how old are u? 20
33. are u mature or immature? i thought i was mature. haha...think i'm wrong
34. are u an only child? feels like
35.where do u go shopping? Town
36. do u like your school? rundown but otherwise passable.
37. do u like books? depends on my mood
38. do u want to get married? nope! Never believed in Love
49. to whom? Only to God
50. what are you listenin to now? Class 95
51. are you a homosexual? Huh? Are you?
52. are you proud to be one? Do I have a choice?
53. have a crush on anyone now? Nope
54. what will you do if someone say that he like you and would like to jio you? Just Do It Man. Talk so much for what?!
54. what will you do if someone say that she like you and would like to jio you? Wait long long.
55. what do you think of people who masturbate? You're sick.


FOUR THINGS ABOUT ME
1. i'm a girl
2. i don't believe in love
3. i love my family
4. i just wanna be happy

FOUR JOBS I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE
1. cook
2. clean
3. wash
4. work

FOUR MOVIES THAT I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. LOTR
2. City of Angels
3. Fly me to polaris
4. Sister Act

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED
1. bk timah- queens rd
2. bk timah- sth where in chee hoon
3. bishan
4. Hougang

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH
1. Virues of Harmony
2. Discovery travel and living-World's best beaches
3. Discovery travel and living- planet food
4. Discovery travel and living- Fasion avenue/superhomes/best beaches

FOUR PLACES THAT I'VE BEEN ON VACATION
1. australia
2. NZ
3. Thailand
4. Hongkong

FOUR WEBSITES I VISIT DAILY WHEN I'M ONLINE
1. hotmail
2. bro's blog (almost)
3. shu's blog (almost)
4. sth else. Random

FOUR OF MY FAV FOOD
1. sushi
2. ice chocolate
3. most veg
4. most fruits

FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE NOW
1. bahamas
2. hawaii
3. paris
4. japan
5. bevely hills
6. hollywood
7. california

FOUR FRIENDS WHOM I'VE TAGGED AND THINK THEY WOULD RESPOND
1. nil

Today was an extremely eventful day that i don't even where to begin.

Today was a really unusally busy day for me. Somehow. Strangely enough. I've been working like a horse since 9am. Nevertheless, time flew by so quickly without even my noticing.

I sinned today. Terribly. You see, this guy (old man) wanted to talk to us abt the program that we were assigned to deliver in a couple of weeks time. Somehow, pple don't really like him for some reason which i am not sure myself. But to me, he's like one of the nicest pple in the office. So to date i can't really fathom the reason. Anyway, he came to us and told us that he wanted to talk to us regarding the program and we were scheduled to meet him at 1pm (so we had to rush lunch before 1pm and get back--just the 4 of us and him). We had our lunch and 10 more min to 1pm, we sat ard reading our books in the pantry (this girl, the Da Vinci code, this other girl some book i can't rem, another girl came in later and was playing with her hp and me--the Purpose Driven Life...speaking of which, the 2 of them kept talking and chatting and laughing so much that i only managed to read a page...) The PROBLEM was: He didn't specify where we wld have our meeting and the other 3 girls (ok, me as well) were kinda reluctant to listen to him preach on and on abt the oil company... (the 3 of them dreaded it when he spoke to them during the 1st wk...) And so they decided to HIDE. Yes, how stupid can it get. HIDE in the staff resting room where we were reading our books and they refused to go out where we knew he wld come and look for us. Worse things worse, they dimmed the lights--it was so dark that i cldn't even read lah...that it seemed just so so unpractical that anyone can believe that we were actually reading in there. Fact was, we (ok, i shall use We from here on because despite my dissentment to involve in the hiding...I still did it Okay.) Fact was, WE wanted to make he think that we were NOT in the staff reading room and hopefully he cldn't find us and WE were only planning to get out at 145pm when he wld be have a meeting at 2pm. 15min to preach. Fair enough? Anyway, I think he was searching high and low for us and he even called me Unfortunately/fortunately, I left my hp on my table and to tell you the truth, i really wanted to go out there and grab my hp but I was stopped by the other 3 who VIOLENTLY objected to any stir from the inconspicuous corner where we were all squashed up deliberately like mash potato, to avoid any unwanted (His) attention, lest he shld see me and their plan to blend into the brown walls of the darkened resting room be tarnished. Sigh. With my book still in hand, he walked into the room at 130pm, cool as a cucumber but nevertheless seemingly a little disappointed that we had to treat him that way. I felt really bad...

Then She called me and asked me what we were doing in the room which I just answered honestly that we were really reading. -Totally Unamused-. She said, unfazzled, with an ashened face "So dark? How can ure read in such a dark room? Ure off-ed the lights, pple don't know ure inside..." She is just one of the pple who really detest him as well but she just started telling me that "You know even if ure don't want to listen to him, ure must still respect him. He's still an elderly you know...how can ure do this..." Then she instructed me to let the other 3 know what she said too. It was then I felt really bad abt what WE did. Then after the preaching, He insisted that we followed along to the 2pm meeting too, despite Her disapproval that we needed to listen to this meeting too. So we bo bian had to tag along. His 'so-called' 1/2 hr meeting took 1hr 20min. Halleluya. AND I HAD SO MUCH WORK TO DO TODAY. Hmm. Well, just glad that i managed to finish a certain assignment before 6pm=) Still heaps on my desk awaiting monday's arrival to settle though...back to the topic...Yup, so after the meeting, I walked up to Him and asked if he had a minute to talk and apologized for what WE did, even though the other 3 were happily chatting away and still oblivious to this whole CRISIS. He wasn't angry at all, which sadly made me feel like a sinner who ought to be stabbed in the chest. Anyway, he brought me to the staff resting room and just spoke me (which was actually his purpose for asking for my hp number yesterday...which I kinda didn't wanna give...but Oh well...no choice again) Actually, he just wanna ask me if i was staying after the contract was up...?!?!?!!...Com'on, NOT AT THIS TIME!...I just gave him a vague answer and the topic moved on as swiftly as it began.

He is really a nice person, in my opinion. One thing I was really surprised was, he was telling me abt how we shld always keep learning and stuff and basically just acting like what a mentor does. Basically, he was telling abt THE TACTICS ON HOW TO EARN IT BIG. WOW. That 10 min talk was inspiring. Really. He was the guy who told me to watch TV!!!...haha...no as if I have the time anyway...Anyway, I really appreciate having someone who is so ready to teach. Hardly ever come across such pple my life. Then he was questioning me regarding what that HR guy was talking abt to me because he saw us talking in the room.

Somethings he said really astonished me. made me see clearer and learn more abt office politics today. He started telling me abt how So-and-So1 and So-and-So2 and So-and-So3 are so unwilling to learn and how they are always stuck in the office doing the same old things and how unwilling they are to motivate and improve themselves. (Ironically, SHE was mentioned in the conversation as one of the pple who REFUSE to learn). And that He was quarreling with this [nice] Christian lady yesterday (was a really Loud quarrel I overheard, just because she didn't understand the importance of doing certain thing he wanted, in sequence). He told me that it was bad and it was really important yet she failed to comprehend the significance...blah blah blah...and he even talked abt the big boss, abt how he shielded this other 8-mth-temp staff who just left recently (the guy I got the shoe polish for) abt he was always making mistakes but he never learnt them because That big boss always said it's ok. And he was also saying that some pple in the office (MY DEPT) are so unwilling to teach and stuff and he told me to tell him if anyone does that. WOW...THAT was really office politics. And at the end of it all, he just told me that, after I walk out of this room, DON'T MENTION THESE NAMES...Hmm...Okay. But truthfully, I really appreciate his advice.

Today on the bus after wk again, this guy sitting beside me was blasting his ipod thing in his ear so loudly that I cringed at the sound of his songs. SUGARBABES and i think ATOMIC KITTEN. OH MAN. Hello? I didn't know 25+ yo GUYS actually listen to such songs...-_-". Oh I realised that the food vendor in the foodcourt in definitely gay. Today is the 2nd time i heard him call "Shuai4 ge1" as in handsome man to another guy but i've never heard him say "mei nu"= pretty lady to any ladies before.................THEN, i saw his big earring on his left ear. Ok, so that's the reason.

Hehe another bus incident before I end my story. Back from cls, these 2 guys (ard my age) were sitting infront of me and indulging in an interesting conversation encircling more or less the same topic. Then I think (was qte sure) that they were talking abt ME because when I looked up from my notes upon hearing something fishy, both quickly looked away, kinda guilt-stricken, and out of the window simultaneously as if in a desperate bid to avoid any eye contact with me. I wasn't conscious (ok maybe a little) but whatever i heard was qte funny, whatever they were discussing=p.

Bedtime!=)

Today, my journey in the bus. This lady behind me was describing in mandarin most probably to her doc, something which is highly likely to be Faeces. "Yah, I did it as per-normal. It is sticky. It has a colour." How gross is that. You know i'm not exactly interested in your poop. The person sitting in front of me was turning ard in response to the conversation too. Then I thought...Hey wait, what you described sounds just like My Boss.

You don't always get a second chance in life.

Am I on the rebound? it was a painstaking decision but I HAD decided to do it. Until some reverse psychology came along and thwarted my plans. Just Because he studied psych before...I know he was playing mind games with me. How you know if the decision you make is right? --probably when you don't regret it? Another of those times when I've been praying and praying and praying so hard but yet NO answer comes along. I thought I had made the final decision. Unfortunately, I was swayed. I have till Monday to make a decision. I am so stressed. It's either now or never. Food CANNOT bribe me. I had cake yesterday. Someone in the dept treated us. I had cake today. Someone's birthday. Then there was this 'talk' to the HR guy whereby the psychological game came along. The way he spoke of money as if I was really desperate. I felt a little insulted because i know i will NEVER coerce myself into doing something if i was unhappy, just for the sake of money. Nevertheless, I am really confused. Is this a game in which he's just trying by means to lure me back and banish the thought of having to walk out of it or is he genuinely nice enough to remind me that the interpersonal skills are just a mere game of life and that I don't really have to care abt the shit pple give me. How do I know if this is for real? Guilt. Remorse. No I can't be feeling guilty abt having the thoughts to leave the company in the lurch. Help me. He just kept pressing me and questioning me abt how he believes that there's sth that more than meets the eye for my reason to leave--which is obviously partly true. But Of course I cldn't tell he what i really felt. He tells me that the boss is nice. Yeah Right. That's a big fat lie. To hell with psychology. So he's trying to probe further into the REAL reason why I wanna go. And to hell with the fact that he's my senior. Simply means that he knows the nature of the sch workload, so you can't lie abt your class. Ouch. Damn it. You can never really bluff your way through, can you? Tell me, was he real, or was it just a hoax that he was trying to cajol me into believing him? Then how do you explain the other temp girl who was dismissed? the way she was treated and told last min that they didn't want her anymore until she didn't even have a chance to look for a job to fall back on before she cld leave? He claimed to understand what i've been feeling abt everything BUT If he was really that nice, why was she treated the way she was treated?...WHY?...Tell me.

My stomach's been churning the whole day and i feel sick at the thought of it. Been so distracted at work too...

Sigh, I am really at loss. Been comtemplating since God knows when. I was pretty sure abt it last week. And I acted my words today. AND THEN, it backfired. I need to be more firm, God, Help Me. Decisions are a luxury. I beg to differ. It's such a chore. My hair's turning grey. Am I supposed to leave or not?...I really thought that was it. Just endure for a couple of weeks more before I am free again. But now...argh...I really don't know what to do.

I WANT TO DIE.

Bua...I love holidays when you don't have to work! Cheers to Labour Day.

Oh i watched 10hrs of tv yesterday. 3hrs. then 3 hrs. then 4hrs. Wow. That's life. I want to retire now.

I am so blur. Woke up at 1145 chatted and half an hour later realised that I forgot to brush my teeth. So I am going to brush my teeth now=)