Today, my journey in the bus. This lady behind me was describing in mandarin most probably to her doc, something which is highly likely to be Faeces. "Yah, I did it as per-normal. It is sticky. It has a colour." How gross is that. You know i'm not exactly interested in your poop. The person sitting in front of me was turning ard in response to the conversation too. Then I thought...Hey wait, what you described sounds just like My Boss.

You don't always get a second chance in life.

Am I on the rebound? it was a painstaking decision but I HAD decided to do it. Until some reverse psychology came along and thwarted my plans. Just Because he studied psych before...I know he was playing mind games with me. How you know if the decision you make is right? --probably when you don't regret it? Another of those times when I've been praying and praying and praying so hard but yet NO answer comes along. I thought I had made the final decision. Unfortunately, I was swayed. I have till Monday to make a decision. I am so stressed. It's either now or never. Food CANNOT bribe me. I had cake yesterday. Someone in the dept treated us. I had cake today. Someone's birthday. Then there was this 'talk' to the HR guy whereby the psychological game came along. The way he spoke of money as if I was really desperate. I felt a little insulted because i know i will NEVER coerce myself into doing something if i was unhappy, just for the sake of money. Nevertheless, I am really confused. Is this a game in which he's just trying by means to lure me back and banish the thought of having to walk out of it or is he genuinely nice enough to remind me that the interpersonal skills are just a mere game of life and that I don't really have to care abt the shit pple give me. How do I know if this is for real? Guilt. Remorse. No I can't be feeling guilty abt having the thoughts to leave the company in the lurch. Help me. He just kept pressing me and questioning me abt how he believes that there's sth that more than meets the eye for my reason to leave--which is obviously partly true. But Of course I cldn't tell he what i really felt. He tells me that the boss is nice. Yeah Right. That's a big fat lie. To hell with psychology. So he's trying to probe further into the REAL reason why I wanna go. And to hell with the fact that he's my senior. Simply means that he knows the nature of the sch workload, so you can't lie abt your class. Ouch. Damn it. You can never really bluff your way through, can you? Tell me, was he real, or was it just a hoax that he was trying to cajol me into believing him? Then how do you explain the other temp girl who was dismissed? the way she was treated and told last min that they didn't want her anymore until she didn't even have a chance to look for a job to fall back on before she cld leave? He claimed to understand what i've been feeling abt everything BUT If he was really that nice, why was she treated the way she was treated?...WHY?...Tell me.

My stomach's been churning the whole day and i feel sick at the thought of it. Been so distracted at work too...

Sigh, I am really at loss. Been comtemplating since God knows when. I was pretty sure abt it last week. And I acted my words today. AND THEN, it backfired. I need to be more firm, God, Help Me. Decisions are a luxury. I beg to differ. It's such a chore. My hair's turning grey. Am I supposed to leave or not?...I really thought that was it. Just endure for a couple of weeks more before I am free again. But now...argh...I really don't know what to do.