happy new year!

this will be my last entry for 2005. happy new year=) my ny resolution...frankly speaking, I just wanna have a good year. be happy. be well. may all troubles be tossed out of the window for good as we embrace a new beginning. that's all.

crap. insomnia on a new year's eve. haha. help. i think i can survive another day without sleep...against my will.

stone. again.

my new year

a crazy way to spend the last day of 2005. surprised that i am still going. amazingly stayed up for the whole night. man my dad is bad liar. reported that my mum was fuming when he called at 12am and asked what time i was coming back (said i wasn't). i cldn't argue with him, didn't know how to, so i hung up. a minute later, apparently mum called and she sounded so much at ease. haha. in fact my poor mum got woken up by my dad and was forced to talk to me. geez. i thought my dad was always the more up-to-date one. nvm i was wrong. funny.

you can say that it was a spur of the moment that i decided to stay up the whole night. whole morning. we walked from ps to fort canning to lansion place--(my secret hideout;)-finally found the name today) then proceeded to cineleisure to nua and rot on the spongy couch for eh...abt a couple of hrs? then headed back to lansion place where i was raped by thirsty mossies and then eventually back to fort canning which i must say kinda spooked me out. in fact i didn't dare to gawk in the park lest my sleepy eyes play horrible tricks on me=P at 6am, walked out to the main rd and waited for the 1st bus home. haha, i kinda wish dawn didn't come...during last fri's service, there was sth abt how the truth/light always hurts when you emerge from a dark place. but sadly, it's kind of inevitable don't you think so? sometimes ignorance is just bliss. anyway, took a ride and watched the sunrise (i haven't seen day-break since i got back due to my honed capability of zonking in every morning). when the bus snaked unperturbedly to macritchie, i caught pple jogging thru the reservoir. had an impulse to hop off the bus and do that too but man i was in skirt and what, a handbag? (nah just kidding...although i didn't catch a wink the whole night, i am still sober okay. finally reached home at 7.15am. the neighbourhood's just woken up to do their share of healthy living aka exercising and me? just heading home after my fair share of bumming ard in orchard. was greeted with a smile by my mum who was expectantly opened the door for me. glad my dad was at work already=P. i actually still managed to take a bath, brush my teeth and head for my comfort zone. unfortunately, beauty sleep didn't last for long. 3 1/2hrs of sleep. oh well. better sleep tonight. still surviving. i wonder how i did it. guess we were drifting in between bouts of sense and non-sense. judging by the conversational topics we were babbling abt, i think sense probably retired for the night at ard 3am++ haha. but heck. it was fun. fort canning was nice. lansion place was cool, save the blood-suckers that resided on my legs. (i am soooooo smart to be wear a skirt...bleh) juicy red meat with fats waiting for them at their doorsteps. got bitten at least 7 times. oh well. blood-suckers. overall i was glad to be just taking the night out. stoning. talking. chilling out. company was good. thx dude=).

my head is heavy; my mind is dodgy; my body is falling apart. yet the moment i closed my eyes for my beauty sleep, images and scenarios just kept flashing across my eyes. strange dreams that plagued my brain. dreams that i cldn't even fathom what the heck was going on. the song Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend-james blunt kept resounding in my head. i think it's prob due to the fact that that was the 1st song i heard when i woke up yesterday morning. blah. weird images haunt me so badly. i shut my eyes to see myself swimming in the vast deep ocean. all alone. swimming deeper and deeper just like a mermaid. there's no one else in there except phytoplankton and you can hardly see anything more than 2m away. oh well. fantasy land.

i wanna get drunk. i wanna cut my hair. i wanna do sth crazy again. say, stand in the middle of penang road and do the chicken dance. haha. oh...you never know.

6x7 = 67. 2+2 = 5 =)

ps. i hope your knee's fine =P tc cya soon

i am on chocolate high! wee!~ if drunkards drink to their hearts' content to drown their sorrows, i eat chocolate to down my lows. haha. max brenne. esplanade. had a shot of thick cold chocolate with vanilla cream. it's only a small glass yet it was chocolatey and sinful. i feel high now, save for the sleepyness. stood at the roof terrace of the esplanade. it was windy today. good stuff=)felt so much like screaming my lungs out but there were heaps of pple. couples. NO WAY. I am still sane. shopped ard marina sth with my coursemate and i didn't think i wld say this but it was boring. man. what's the world coming to? i actually found shopping boring. hah...i kinda miss him. somehow, i kept noticing movenpick ice-cream amidst the galore of shops. yet i know it's only an admiration and nothing more. probably just because i went to the places with him before.

haha i know i sound like a bimbo but i am still going to say it. i like my hair now. it's so smooth... haha. told you i was on chocolate high.

i probably wanna go some place for a count-down to the new year's' day but i haven't found company yet. haha. anybody wanna go some place and chiong. ok lah, not chiong. i don't chiong. haha.

if love is blind
i'll find my way with you
coz i can see myself not in love with you

the candy cane

who wants to eat roasted pigeon? there's this pigeon that's been residing on the wall of my backyard. it's as if it's 2nd nature to be the home of the pigeon. good thing is it doesn't defaecate on the wall. even if it did, i won't be able to see it. ohh...you are so roasted...

ahh...gibberish again.

merry christmas

btw...don't you think this character (abby ugly duckling) looks like some character from project superstar?=P i just realised the uncanny resemblance when i saw her short mtv clip on the tv. =X oops

the ideal r/s questionaire is qte interesting. haha. qte true too to a certain extent i guess. was qte surprised with the outcome. =p


Your Career Type: Social
You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy. Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems. You would make an excellent: Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer Physical Therapist (LOL) - Social Worker - Teacher The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.
What's Your Ideal Career?


Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only
Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now.
What's Your Ideal Relationship?

haha. perhaps. perhaps. =)

hmm does everyone wanna watch narnia? i know 5 different pple who are so keen to watch it and i am in the least bit interested. geez. i am so perverse. sigh. when is he freeeee? christmas will be over soon and the present is collecting dust =(

rain rain rain rain rain rain rain...

boo hoo why is it always raining? ^-^

40% pee
+
30% zack
+
20% jb
+
5% zq
+
5% me
________
= you

hehe. bet you have no idea what I am blabbering abt anyway ;)

hey but lately it's been raining so much that i don't even feel like stepping foot outta my house. yet i wanna get out. i realised that i tend to eat alot when i am in. how sad. boo hoo.

happy merry christmas eve!

apple crumble with a praying hand. hey it looks appealing now. =p 

adobe's work. i thought the contrast is qte nice. ah but it doesn't look like you...haha 

hehe so i didn't go to the wedding dinner in the end. bus rides are now one of my most feared. serious. BECAUSE. yeah just because. haha. no lah because my mum just decided to spare me the agony of having to stared at sad ah peks and ah mas and grand aunts and uncles and great grand pple who i have no idea who they are. i will probably end up ka-chaoing and smsing pple under the tables again, as usual, while waiting for the freaking sharks fins soup to be waitered to me. today i had another traumatic experience. this ah mm beside me kept molesting me. ok not deliberate but i don't know why she HAD to do this do that, take things in take things out of her bag and in the process brushing agst my arm for the umpteenth time and I was pissed. yeah. that's me. yeah. hahaaaR...no lah coz...i was comtemplating if i shld go to the service tonight. anyway, i did. immediately after i dressed up, i felt like backing out. i was like..."OK...WHAT DID I JUST DO!!!!!!..." then i dragged my heavy feet outta the house and i said..."today i am going church...so pls God, you can't possibly make me wait 45 min again !!!" hehee...and anyway, He answered my prayers. today i waited for abt 10 min only=) Bliss. But the stupid was, to AVOID (note: AVOID) the same timeslot (550pm-630pm), i unknowingly, retardedly, walked out of the hse as the same time yesterday and yes. WAITED AT THE SAME TIME FOR THE SAME STUPID BUS. haha. oh well. how retarded i am. any-oh-howz, i got there in time lah. in fact, 5 min before my friend. haha the 1st shop i walked into, my friend called so it was good=) except for the fact that the perverted auntie kept disturbing me on the crowded bus. WHY CAN'T SHE JUST GET ALL HER THINGS OUT ALL AT ONCE. mingle here mingle there...you think very fun is it? argh. hahaa...it's qte funny actually. how i can get boiling over some psychotic auntie. haha... ;)

someone ask me out. haha...here i go again. pple are busy with carolling. how sad...er...i mean happy=P oh well...see? that's why christmas sucks. my point proven. haha.

ok...meet the great daniel kerensky aka apple crumble man...haha ;)

merry early christmas. =P

yesterday was a pretty good day meeting up with friends except for the stupid freaking bus that got me waiting alone at the shabby busstop outside the temple for 45 min. that was the last straw. if ure wondering, craning my neck for 3/4 hr isn't exactly how it works. upon arrival at far east, i was so fluttered. hp died=no means of contact to the outside world. thankfully i remembered ur hp number at the back of my head which got me using the public pay phone (which i have never used for 4 yrs) excluding the one in melb. searching frantically for a 10c coin and risking the probability of having to lower my pride and walk up to some stranger for a 10c coin kind of infuriated me (haha no lah, just kidding). anyway, point is, i got my 10c coin and managed to meet my friend.

And apologies...really sorry shu=P 45 min bus wait and 45 min bus ride to town. halleluya. God Bless You. it takes 50min to go from orc to JE by MRT (when i stupidly took the longer route). usually it shld take 20 min to get down to town but not during christmas. i don't mean to sound like the grinch but i can't help it if i do. anyway, christmas sucks--all because of the human flood and jam during the season. Season's greetings. hurhur ;)

to all couples out there: go celebrate christmas and have a marshy-mellowy one=)
to the singles out there: er...merry christmas? don't think so much. hahahaR oops
to everyone else: enjoy the spirit of giving, sharing and loving. tc =)

ahh...and indulge in christmas songs which play ever so frequently on every radio station. =:)

oh i've got a wedding dinner to attend to night. anyone wanna take my place? =P it's in sentosa. haven't been there in ages but yesterday's bus ride was so traumatizing that i doubt i wanna take another 45 min busride again. ARGH.

yummy apple crumble... 

eh...don't mind i put ure pic. haha. but it looks like it can be anyone. haha 

=p 

rocky. w/o ears. haha 

live life

i can't take it anymore. i can't stay at home. beyond the 4 walls are things that are seem to never end. wait a minute...i wasn't in the house when such thoughts sprouted. argh. sigh. help. i want to seek solitude. be a monk or sth. er...i mean nun. i wanna find inner peace. not an institute overwhelming with chaos. master the art of silence. listen to the sounds of quietness. whatever.

A is angry with B. B is angry with C. C is angry with D. D with E. E with F. F with A. That is my life. It shldn't but sadly, things have morphed and reduced me to this state. nvm. you won't understand my plight anyway.

last christmas i gave you my heart
very next day you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
i'll give it to someone special

thankfully, didn't go out today. it's pouring like cats and dogs! lala...

ahh...someone ask me out!...i am rotting at home. quoted from a friend: there is really nth to do at home. oh well. eat eat eat and get fat. that's what i've been doing. lalala~ peace.

record: earliest xmas card ever received: sent on 14th dec. hurhur. xmas already?

=)
i went to the beach yesterday!!...lalala~ except for couples making out in the distance. had a nice chat. nice dinner if it wasn't for the "quote fr jb: traumatic experience" when the meesiam got onto my blouse. blah. otherwise it was fine day i reckon. was supposed to go swimming then somehow we didn't due to unforeseen circumstances. haha. anyway, hope more pleasant experiences to come=P oh and the moon was so fascinating last night=)

wee~! had fun today. met up with wt and yn. had dinner then walked ard for desert. we had planned to walk to centre point. along the way however there was a detour. walked past nydc and somehow got stuck on the way. looked the menu, was overwhelmed by how pricey the deserts were, decided to check out marche. grabbed an ordering card. browse ard. still too expensive. returned the card to the guy and walked out. crossed the road to coffee club. the desert didn't seem very appealing. crossed the road again to cineleisure. cafe cartel's desert didn't look delectable. walked out. walked to some shelter called risk master or sth outside cine. not nice. stood at the junction for a while. pondered. cldn't decide where to go. marche? what if we didn't want it? we were definitely not going to risk getting embarrassed a second time. decided to check out coffee bean at taka. walked to the junction. coffee bean in taka or starbucks at paragon? but we just came from paragon! decided to head to coffee bean. yn was too tired to walk. Hence, wt finally settled for a cheese cake and yn, a mudcake. me? wanted an ice choc. didn't see it on the menu. sat with the 2 for a while. cldn't resist not watching they assauge their desert. got up, asked for an ice choc. they had it. happily sat down and drank it.

post-desert conversation: felt sinful.
wt: what are you all doing tmr?
yn: dinner tmr
me: nth

conclusion: we'll go ice-skating tmr. we NEED the exercise after this rich hearty desert.
So. =). my day.

my journey on the bus today was qte interesting. a couple of boys' conversation caught my attention. didn't mean to eavesdrop but it was interesting.

boy1: my 3rd choice was sji.......blah blah blah
I want to meet girls...after 6 yrs...blah blah blah
somehow the conversation drifted to gals. abt how his friend's gf was very pretty and how he's friend scolds his gf and stuff.
boy1: i like to go out with gals and guys also but i don't want a gf. i don't want to be tied down lah...

me: (laughing to myself) typical guy.

boy 1 continues...i've been clubbing. chinablack...etc...so far zouk is good. i only drink vodka (shld be vodka...from where i was sitting, sounded like moccha to me though=P) coz the alcohol content is low.
Do you wear contacts? boy 2: yah
boy 1: i've been wearing specs since sec2...

haha...typical singaporean conversation. homegrown kids. very amusing yah?=)

taka: last yr's xmas tree... 

this yr's xmas tree...which is nicer? 

coffee bean mud cake 

us again in front of paragon xmas tree 

thomas train track which the train only travels at 1 level. how interesting. X_X 

black sheep. 

oops elmo got cut off 

immediately after this pic was taken, the lady said no photography. OH WELL=P 

wt, yn and me 

bubbles... 

...are nice 

hey guys. thanks=) I am alright already. (miraculously) i didn't speak to anyone abt it. hehe just just wrote in my diary and blogged. so. yah thanks the pple who happened to read my blog. hehe. gotta move on i guess. actually i was feeling ok already since sat (that's 2 days) hehe but was too lazy to blog. some things seem to get over faster when you pray and don't think abt it. (maybe i am used to it=P) there are seemingly greater things that are taking priority right now. 1st things 1st, I am really glad to pass my exams. so. thanks Lord=) 2nd, I just wish God will help me out on one thing. no, not love. i need money. i really do. caught up in some monetary affairs that i can't seem to resolve. ironically, pple say that money isn't everything. yeah, it isn't but when you really really really need it, it is a problem. a big one.

oh i caught chicken little on thurs. Alone. How nice=) it's my first time watching a movie in a cinema alone. my sis was shocked (as usual)--she can't even have her meals alone!=P) lalalala~ time out. it was nice. really. except for the annoying kids who ask stupid questions throughout the whole show which made me just feel like strangling them. shld have known better for a show like CL but then if it was Perhaps Love, I'd probably be surrounded by lovey-dovey couples too. so either way. shld have sat at the back which were empty but i was stuck in side. had to cross 3 pple before i cld get out of the j8 cinema. oh bleah. too mah fan.

hehe they really piss you off when you're in a bad mood. haha.

kid number 1 to his mummy: WHY THE CHICKEN LITTLE'S DADDY SO FAT? IS IT BECAUSE HE EAT TOO MUCH?

me: *rolls eyes* whatever.

then this aunty sitting 2 seats on my left was laughing louder than the kids (her kid(s)-Number 2 won't even laughing). the cinema was qte empty (only abt 4 rows in all occupied) so her laughter was just totally audible. And when the show commenced she (the AUNTY) was writing off the screen word-for-word. hello? WE CAN SEE FOR OURSELVES. Ask someone to do that and you'd understand how it feels. i am telling you it sucks. having someone talk when you are in the midst or any point in time in the movie is one of the most irritating things someone can do to you. no wonder j cldn't stand it when we were watching a movie.

Then at 1 point in time one kid sitting 3 seats on my right (Kid number 1) had a 'situation'. i think he was scared of the ALIENS so he was just hugging his mum during the alien part.

me: whatever AGAIN.

paying $8 bucks for abt 2 hrs' isolation was reasonable i reckon. cld have come at a cheaper cost though (FREE) but i wasn't going to some ulu-place like harbourfront ALONE and risk getting mugged at night. =P

Oh initially i had wanted to watch Perhaps Love. A sappy love story suited for a heart-broken person. but the earliest they had for that time-slot was 645 and i didn't want to be back so late. and i really wanted to attempt watching a movie alone for once so i just bought a tic for CL hoping it cld at least crack me up a little. It was ok. A novel experience watching alone=)

love is cruel yah? I woke up this morning, not feeling a single ounce better. dejected and trampled on. the night had been terrible. another sleepless night that i yearn so much to close my eyes and never open them again. but i woke up this morning. not understanding why. perhaps God had a plan for me. perhaps it's all not over yet. my heart is really bruised. in fact, i wish i can just go into reclusion. bury me. i thought it had all ended when i met these wonderful pple 2 1/2 mths ago. i was wrong i guess. the feeling is all building up and hitting me straight in the face once again. i wish i had a barricade. i wish God made me emotionless and unable to feel a slightest tinge of love or anger and melancholy. i wish i didn't have to wake up in the morning and face the world once again, knowing that i am so vulnerable and susceptible and all sorts of emotions. i won't be going online for a while. so, don't bother finding me there. i know i promised not to cry but i cldn't do it. i did last night. that was the only way that i cld fall asleep. i woke up several times only to find myself wondering why i did so. afraid that i will never again shld i wake up. it just hurts really bad and i don't know who to confide in, only God and my diary. nth seems to work. i woke late enough to discover that my mum bought macs breakfast for me. sth i had requested last night. i tried so hard to hold my tears. i didn't feel like eating at all but i did anyway. i didn't want to disappoint my mum. i was touched that she had gone to all trouble just to give me what i wanted yet i am such a loser who can't even handle my own life. the last thing i wanted to do is to disappoint my family. my head my spinning right now and i can't think straight. i am having a bad headache and a really bad nightmare that i can't seem to wake up from. perhaps only time will tell. i am so tired of all these. i have given up hope time and again and when i felt lifted up again, the outcome is still the same.

don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry...

haha...i am laughing at myself. what an idiot. =) yeah. I'll get use to it. maybe i shld just get my heart stabbed a few more times then i'll be immune to it for good. lallalalala~

anyway, i really shld thank God. I am not being sarcastic. but time and again. haha this is the don't umpteenth time my heart my broken. I shld just laugh abt it right. i am already. So. I wish Shu was here. I really do. what the heck am i supposed to say? it's you? i am such a loser can? Need u 2 say?

eh...but on a lighter note I am very happy actually. Am I losing it or am I really in control of it? I am a FREEEEEEEEEEE person!=) lalala~ k lah i admit i sound like a stupid moron right now. but oh well not like ANYONE will care right? so what if i turn my back agst Jesus, no good will come out of it right? So I guess this is the time when I shld follow Him even closer for Love may fade and die away but I know God will always be there for me. So...Thank You Lord, My Saviour.

to tell you the truth, i feel qte screwed right now. twice in a year. Thanks Lord. NOW this is when I feel betrayed. What a freaking LOSER i am.

Crap. I can't stop laughing at myself. Am i really that crappy? ok maybe i am. anyway, where are friends when you need them the most? even my sister is not here to protect me. geez. i shld just shut myself up for another 100 years and not make any human contact at all. Argh.

haha 1/2 hr into the crazy confession we are still talking. THAT is seriously weird and annoying. but not that i wanna end it. I just wanna talk till i am numb to it. to him. to the entire nightmare that is driving me up the wall. sheesh. I really can't stop laughing leh. what scares me most is if whether this is all a disguise. I hope not. i don't think so. I just. Just. me.

haiz. i see him online but i really don't know what to say to him. so. moi have decided. i shall not talk to him. haha. oh well. it's time to forget certain things. or a certain someone. never easy but it has to be done.

NO. NO. NO. I am not THAT desperate. I really am NOT. haha. I guess you guess are right lah. who knows...in 10 yrs time I might just look like his kid. ARGH. Ok that is a seriously disgusting thought. Anyway, thanks to shu and my sis who really shrieked when I showed her his pic a week ago...Her exact reaction

"AH!...NO...PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!! He looks like an AH PEK!!! LIKE THIS GUY BETTER!!!...(then she pointed to this friend of mine called meng--see below for details...haha...the guy who looks like richie ren lah and he's eating the wantan soup)" Wah lau, if only it was THAT easy transferring an infatuation from one guy to another. My sister is MAD.

Anyway, my bottomline is, he can find his penang gf lah. I wanna give up on him=) There you go. I said it. My sis and shu will probably rejoice for me (I hope) haha.

Goodnight pple...sweet dreams. No matter what, I know he will ALWAYS be my brother in Christ.

I thought i saw melvin i-dunno-what on the bus today. I am pretty sure it's him. His distinct refined lady-like voice and boisterous laughter. It's him man. Anyway, been out shopping with my parents today. I prob shld enjoy my days first before the results are out. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, don't you think so? The same applies to him. I haven't seen him online for a week. Somehow, it gives the tinge of another you3 yuan2 wu2 fen4 scenario. Then again. Maybe it's just me.

Pple say, good things come to those who wait patiently- got that off animal planet. A couple of days ago, I was desperately flicking through the buttons on the remote when I stumbled across some wildlife story in the ocean. As quoted from the narrator "the snail, sensing the threat from the (that shelled creature, I forgot the name), FLEES." Then the next moment, they filmed this pathetic snail crawling frantically at 5mm/sec away from its predator. I was laughing my head off. Raucous laughter that my mum from my room 8m asked me what I was giggling so happily abt. Another sad case. Geez. It just struck me that I find entertain in a snail's life. Ok, THAT sounds rather forlorn to me. I am a sick, perverted, disgusting maniac. God Bless You.

Hah. everyone's disappearing. What's everyone up to? 4hrs after that sms, sar said she's not coming to sg anymore. and then sa emailed me to say that her dad wun allow her to travel alone by bus to sg. Argh. so sad. my only hope now is maybe shir that the marche date is still on. Hmm. Where is everyone? they are no longer online as well. bleah.

no money sux.

NO. NO. NO. I am not THAT desperate. I really am NOT. haha. I guess you guess are right lah. I shldn't settle for some guy who looks like 30 when he's only 24! TWENTY-FOUR!!!...who knows...in 10 yrs time I might just look like his kid. ARGH. Ok that is a seriously disgusting thought. Anyway, thanks to shu and my sis who really shrieked when I showed her his pic a week ago...Her exact reaction

"AH!...NO...PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!! He looks like an AH PEK!!! LIKE THIS GUY BETTER!!!...(then she pointed to this friend of mine called meng--see below for details...haha...the guy who looks like richie ren lah and he's eating the wantan soup)" Wah lau, if only it was THAT easy transferring an infatuation from one guy to another. My sister is MAD.

Anyway, my bottomline is, the ah pek (aAargh. I can't believe it, I am so mean) can find his penang gf lah. I AM GIVING UP ON HIM. =) There you go. I said it. My sis and shu will probably rejoice for me (I hope) haha.

Goodnight pple...sweet dreams. No matter what, I know he will ALWAYS be my brother in Christ.

changi airport 

wantan soup 

ms chiobu 

yum-seng 

yummy yummy chocolate tiramisu=) 

dinner at greco's: RICH cheesecake 

1 pizza...