ballade pour adeline: November 2005

wah...my friend's one of the most romantic guys i know...apparently i just found out who his crush is...and he's actually willing to go the extra mild literally to get her pics. Because I am leaving tmr and prob wun be using the internet in singapore so I can't send him the pics of HER so at 1st he came to my place to see how many pics there were of HER and it turned out alot. So, he took a tram back to his place which is qte far and will be coming bk to load the pics. Ask me why I can't send via email or msn, he said he doesn't have internet for tonight coz he's going bk tmr as well and in singapore conversely, he will always be online but I won't. Thus...the only solution to get HER pics is to load from my laptop TODAY. AT 11.13PM. Romantic?...Hai...i was wondering, who will EVER do that for me...Never I am sure...Saded...=(

Well at least he still gets to see HER when he comes back here. Me? I am facing the probability of NEVER seeing him again. I just wanna cry. Been like that since I found out that he is leaving for good. That was...let me recall...straight after 4 papers of exams...2 weeks ago. The last time at the trip W'sP trip he said he was undecided. I wish I had persuaded then...but I guess it's too late now. Anyway, I am glad he's chosen his path. I just miss him...I really do...='( I wanna see him yet I don't wanna see him again...I am so, so, sad...

God, pls help me mend a broken heart...

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I'm so hollowx3...

-James Blunt-

I think I am qte fortunate actually. At least I got to spend time on the beach with him and it was 4 beautiful beaches too! = wilsonsprom trip alone's got 3 beaches then stkilda. I had fun. It was something I always wanted to do. To be at the beach with the person I love. Perhaps it was a one-sided thing and I am naive but I guess those were great memories...

I really wish that he won't come to help shift tmr. I am afraid that I will cry on the way to the airport or even in the plane. God help me...

Anyway, I think I am abstaining from pink for a while. Looking at the pictures (for abt 101 times) just makes me gross myself out. And the thought of having to see him leave makes me sick in the stomach. Haven't had proper appetite for the past few days, apart from the fact that my mum hasn't cooked a decent meal since mon because she didn't want the food to go to waste. Empty fridges, empty hearts, empty apartments make me so, so sad...

Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend...

As the days creep by, I grow increasingly depressed each day. I know I am really going to miss these great pple who touched my heart and everyone ard. 4 girls and maybe just 1 guy. 3 out of 4 girls I am closed to and 2 out of 3 are of them are going to singapore (because they live there) so at least I still get to see them. the remaining 2 girls-one I am not closed to, the other will be in perth. everyone's going their separate ways. he's a msian. so perhaps I will never see him again. the probability is high. hehe. anyhow, I still wanna thank God for letting me know these pple before they go back. At least I wasn't left wondering what wld life be like without them. Parting is such sweet sorrow. The empty seat in church will always remind me of him, of her. I feel happy for him actually; that he's found a job and stuff. He's chosen this path and God has plans for him and for all of us. If fate permits, maybe, just maybe I might see him again. The feeling may never be the same again I know but what can I do? I gave him a simple hand-made card (and to the girl too) made up of sea-shells that I did at 3am-430am the night before. Wrote a really long message and they were my heart-felt thoughts, so I hope both of them liked the cards. met up with lunch with these pple yest at ITO sushi. Heavy-hearted. but it has to come to an end. reluctant, but that's just life isn't it? yest after lunch, a few of us bunked into his hostel and his room which was in the mess because he and his hsemates were in the midst of packing. he gave out cds which he took snapshots from his new digi cam we got for him for his graduation present. then he asked me if I wanted a song from his laptop. so he burnt it for me. Or maybe for everyone as well. am listening to it now. Mercyme--I can only imagine. It's a hymn and it's really nice. melancholic but nice. Am I happy that I am going home? Am I? I am not a fan of change. Frankly speaking, sometimes I look forward to transitions eg high sch to college. but that's rare. It seems like everytime I start to feel comfortable and enjoy myself and ard the place, I am afraid of parting. It never fails to hurt EVERY single time...Maybe that's how God strengthens me, build me up to endure such situations. I have been crying in bed for the past couple of nights. Everything seems to remind me of him. I miss him already. I will still be meeting him on friday coz he's coming to help us shift our boxes. Somehow I wish I don't have to see him ever again. What if I cry? THAT wld be really brainless and stupid. Oh God, help me...