ballade pour adeline: January 2006

a surge of nostalgia-part 2

I spent a couple of hours reading old letters. letters dated back to 1997-when it all began. It was really entertaining=) afterall these were all once a thing of the past and probably constituted what i am today. a rough gauge wld see at least 90 letters in that plastic bag, excluding the 30 odd letters written on fulscap (Imagine how many trees I killed then=X) that I threw out abt a couple of years back while emptying out my drawer. kinda nolstagic but there were heaps of them and they are currently still exploding from my drawer. wow...8 years of letters and still going. obviously not so many these days but i am grateful for those annual festive cards. b/w age 12 and 14 was the peak of my letter writing experience and i must say that they were great memories. kids say the darnest things=P contents include little trivialities like westlife-nick carter's teeth and hair and how pretty huan2 zhu1 ge2 ge4 was and to gossips abt test results and teachers to thinking of a plan to overthrow the choir committee and stuff=p. But sadly, i have no idea where all these penpals have evaporated to today...except for a few.

besides the beautiful memorable letters and their own fanciful-pretty-girly envelops, there were a number of (precious) items in there too. things such as US coins, a few poems, a keychain, free postcards, a couple of bookmarks, a memo pad, a postpet brochure (WTH was that?!) and the lyrics of a mandarin song called xu3 yuan4 ('make a wish' by leo ku and gigi leung) written out neatly by my senior.

i've still got the 1st xmas card from shu dated back to 1997 abt her dec hols. haha. =) there was a very girly letter too. i am really thankful for a friend like her=)

oh and i came across a very interesting phenomenom. haha. =X geez i really can't recall what i said then. it's 7 years ago but anyway, one of my friends/penpals wrote "IS WEILIANG GOOD-LOOKING?" =) and abt how she always saw this ex-nyps boy walk past her place. heheeee.....

man, i can only wish that when i die, i can take away all these memories with me to the netherworld. put these letters in my coffin. thank you.

dodgy internet. hmph. there goes my entry. -_-

anw, i know christmas is long over but here's a list of things i need to (want to) get:

1) a cheapo badminton racquet-preferably a titanium one
2) a sports cap-preferably baby blue, baby pink or black NIKE cap
3) sunnies-preferably a tinted one
4) flip flops/thongs/slippers *maybe, maybe not=P

let's see how long i will take to fulfil my shopping list >_-

what was i thinking!.........

hurhur.

happy cny! It's good to know that most pple i know are enjoying cny. be it with the food, the hongbaos or the annual meeting of uncles and aunties=)

as for yours truly, don't really have much to report. eve was fine. another day just went past like the wink of an eye. i was extremely surprised when my mum gave me an angbao because I am used to not getting any at all. the amount didn't matter, it was the thought that counted=)

btw, i didn't go to my grandma's for reunion dinner-didn't feel like being grilled by trivial small talks by relatives. anyway, there was absolutely no bai-nian-ing for me this year. totally didn't feel like it. well, if you really wanna know, i've only got a grand total of $10 from my grandma. and then there was my family's angpao. period. vanakum. the amount's decreasing every year with an exponential graph. i reckon by the time i am 22, which is a couple of years from now, i can really forget abt collecting angbaos already. haha.

and so...last night i lay in bed thinking of God knows what. I was really exhausted with the bumming ard but it took me a while to sleep. had some really philosophical thoughts then, which i can't recall now.

from Animal Planet's showcase: aren't whale sharks just graceful? as they glide through the equatorial current. wldn't it be nice to be mermaid?=)

went out with dkowl on fri=) OH, i touched a live fish! *smile* haha...yeah i kinda always had a phobia of these 'suckers'. it felt weird lah=P

AND...it was my first time playing a [crappy] song on the piano in a small basement of a hotel! haha... =P was nice. you never knew that i was THAT timid did you?=P always had the impression that i wld cause noise pollution rather than peace.

expecting better plans for the next few days...fingers crossed=P

hey there. i am glad that there once was and the memories will always be left in my heart. but i realised that everytime i say this it's because i know things will never be the same again. so it a form of consolation. blame it on fate. on myself. on the harsh reality. scream all you want, cry all you want but it is history.

today i met up with an old friend. there was never a chemistry yet i've been trying so hard to make it happen. i don't understand why i keep doing it over and over again. it's really alot of effort on my part yet the other party doesn't seem to be trying. but then again who am i to judge others?

now i know why. and it feels so weird. so that's the reason. letting go is never easy. esp when you were left without a reason. i admit it does feel a little sour to be smacked straight in the face with a blow. not matter how aloof i may sound or manifest, i am human afterall and i can feel it. doesn't feel good but who am i to change the fact? the truth is brought to light. never thought it wld turn out this way. ouch.

sometimes i really don't know why i bother at all.

been soaking my pillow wet lately with tears.

this is the umpteenth time i am announcing this: i am really weary of all these trials and tribulations. tired of fearing; of crying; of waking up to uncertainty everyday. it's not like anyone can understand or care what i am going thru...

all i need is a listening ear. which in the 1st place is extremely hard to find. i just wish someone will just listen to me not talk. but just sit with me and listen to the silence. listening doesn't include verbalisation. as long as 2 pple don't feel the awkwardness of silence, that is true friendship. somehow i think i have lost this feeling over the years.

I am afraid. really terrified. I need pacifiers.

Good things come to those who wait. Crap. I should have waited.

Lost

I really don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do.
Club me.

Yest I met up with my high school friend who just came back from US. It's good to meet up with my shopping buddy again who time and again urges me to "buy buy buy". hehe=)

list of movies I might wanna watch:
1) the heirloom
2) moonlight in tokyo
3) the dark

hairless butt

meet...ringo

...and rocky

bush fire

china panda

my foot smells nice

pommy has his haircut today and...

...now he looks like a chom chom

Ruminative Thoughts...

In the world of uncertainties where we are not even certain of our own instincts or hearts, what can we trust? Love? No. Relationships? No. Friendships? No.

the suave guy over there

it was raining seriously heavy when i went out today. why did i go out?! to swim. overcrowded buses again. this time the bus was literally crawling uphill along that expressway. CTE? PIE? aiyah that one lah. haha. I don't even know the name. it was crawling at 20cm/second. SO SLOW that i was counting the number of cars that went by. 24. Hah. and the cars weren't even zooming by to begin with. that's awfully painfully slow. then at the pool. kids are annoying. darn. can't even swim in peace. they cut my lane and horde the lane so that i had to make a detour. nvm. forgive and forget. argh. i am talking abt 7-11 year olds. they are such a bane to society i tell you. =p anyway, in the distance, i saw this kid who was so cute=) not cute-CUTE in that cutesense but cute. well she was holding her dad's hand and was distracted by the scenery at the pool so she almost tripped over the stairs. Plus, her little frame was so tiny that every standard human-height steps were like giant steps to her. it was as though she was conquering the Great Wall of China. and she was so well-behaved. awwwww....sweet little barbie doll. Moral of story. ard 3 year old kids are the cutest. the rest should just be shot. haha. j/k. but it's true=X

then at dinner. we dined at the club's restaurant. TODAY...there was this cute waiter!!! *screams and flails arms in air excitedly* haha...man...i shld have dinners at the club every saturday. hahahaa.....BUT that's a sad part to this story. I found him cute before i had dinner. he looks a little like taufik--of course the good traits of the singer. hehe. oh he's malay btw. but he's fair-skinned. so his race wasn't that distinct. the sad part was, after i had my dinner, i didn't find him cute anymore. so my conclusion was: hunger REALLY makes you delusional.

ooo then on the way home, we walked through clifford pier. I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T KNOW THIS PLACE EXISTED. i am one big suaku. then we walked past caltex house to get to the mrt station. CRAP!...that's the place i always always always saw on tv and yearned so much to go there one day but never did. today i did=) I know you must be thinking. big deal. it's only a place. perhaps. but IF I ever ever ever ever ever have the chance to work there, that will truly be a dream come true. I don't know what's so alluring abt that place but I just enjoy the idea of the office workers congregating there everyday. Besides, there's this advert of johnny depp at the entrance of the mrt station. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sexy. hahahahahaR. the ambassador of the watch brand, montblanc. truth is, I wld rather buy that poster than the watch =P

So another day passes just like that. my parents had fish head curry at the restaurant. It was freaking SPICY but my parents said it wasn't hot at all. wth. i think i have developed zero tolerance for spicy food overtime. and i am talking abt a threshold of a grand zero. give me wasabi and i will show you what is called 'shiok'. haha. then we had ice-kachang. the restaurant's got the best ice-kachang=) durian and ice-cream on top of the usual ice-kachang. Oi Shi!! after having that i felt so high. sugar-overload. oh and i have decided to buy that pair of thongs that i have been eyeing for........since i came back=P because my mum kept stressing how much the one i have been wearing will break anytime because it was soaked thoroughly by the downpour today. Oh and I wore it to bathe=P oops. anyway, now i've got a reason to buy the thongs i always wanted. previously i didn't wanna buy it because i didn't have a valid reason. No. Just Because I Like It and WANT IT is not a valid reason=p

I really want to cut my hair. I wanna get back that hairstyle I had before I left for aust last year. I liked that=) Right now, I think I look as though I have bad-hair day everyday. sigh. Someone please DISSUADE me to go for a haircut. I just had one before I came back. I just want a change. Actually, getting back the same hairstyle is 'Not Changing' but geez whatever. I meant a change FOR NOW =P

the indian labourer aka the ginko nut cracker

i'm a good kid. lalala~ narcissistic me. i spent what was left of my morning helping my mum to shell ginko nuts. it ain't an easy job. mind you, ginko nuts are hard nuts to crack but gradually i think i gained momentum and got the hang of it. eventually, they turned out rather decent- still in whole pieces. routine manual labour but i think i can be a professional nut-sheller. haha. i think in a way, it builds up patience. lots of it because if you were impatient and hammered with too much strength, the whole nut wld probably collapse and you can consider having mashed pulps of ginko nuts for dessert. in addition, this mundane act is an outlet to drift off too; think abt life, etc. hehe just kidding. i am not that looney.

mum cooked gastronormical lunch which i scoffed hungrily. simple but appetizing. My favourite=) recently, i've taken a fancy to food. particularly local cuisines. must be due to the being-away-for-so-long-thing. i was craving for ban mian and char siew/duck noodle at 1am this morning. no, i am not pregnant, in case you were wondering.

then after shelling nuts, i watched pirates of the carribean on star movies. it was not bad. action was brewing throughout the entire show but unfortunately, i've still got an hr left to the ending which i decided to watch another day because my mum looked bored and i had to sacrifice the tv. sigh. that's the problem with only 1 tv. sad.

speaking of sad things, i didn't manage to get the present that i wanted to get for a friend yesterday. oh well. gotta make a detour some other day. sad=p

i dreamt of my idol last night. wahahahhaR...omg...it was such a sweeet, sweeeeeet dream=) dancing on cloud nine...shld never have woken up. haha.

sore feet

I was rudely woken up at 10am sharp by a persistant ringing of the doorbell (well at least it sounded like one to me). it was as if some drunkard was banging and barging into the wrong house. following that, there was a lady's voice over the loud speaker "5...4...3...2...1...". upon stark realisation, the sch behind was having a fire-drill. how annoying. maybe it really was time was me to rise and shine. oh well.

oh and mark my words. nail polish doesn't taste nice. and it's not edible. moi was reading sth on the internet today when i subconsciously started grinding on my finger to find that i scraped off some leftover nail polish on my index finger which i had been lazy to remove with a nail polish remover. the outcome: I ATE MY NAIL POLISH. crap. i am so muddle-headed. don't worry, it's only a bit. i am still alive. yay. hahaaa...i am one big nutcase man.

I walked for 4 hrs straight without rest with my mum today. boy, it was DRAINING. gotta admit i am OLD and age is catching with me. now my feet hurt. well that's my weekly exercise i guess. shldn't complain so much=P let's see, i ate mos burger, had ice lemon tea, sampled a couple of pineapple tarts (yumyum=P but of course didn't buy any...haha) and had venetia ice-cream. the quality is qte average i think...gelati is still the best =) well. contemplated ice chocolate from nowhere else other than coffee bean and i swear i walked back and forth at least 3 times just to decide if i shld have it or not. not my fault: i'm a girl. a pisces somemore =X my final decision was no. strangely enough my appetite wasn't overwhelming today. just didn't feel like having the drink although i was aware that it'd probably have perked me up heaps. so we walked from far east to taka. walked into scotts foodcourt too. BROUGHT my mum ard in level one at FE plaza and man, she said i was old after seeing the horrible teens loitering aimlessly after sch in their sch uniforms. once upon a time, i was like that too. hehe...now eons have passed. I have long expired. mum went to republic foodcourt for a meal while i sneaked off to my get my mosburger. met a couple of familiar faces at wisma and dao-ed the heck out of them. I shld clarify that i didn't know them very well. the 1st guy is one big-time smug in the 1st place who always dao-ed me in aust so he pretty much deserved it. wait, i don't think he even saw me. haha so it shldn't be considered dao-ing right. then the 2nd girl...well just know her by face from ny. my friend's friend. she saw me and i feigned ignorance and pretended that i didn't know her which probably was the case anyway. my point being, i am innocent. wahahahR~ omg, what's wrong with me. haha. actually hanged ard in taka with my mum, encircling the same few shops at least a hundred times. then crossed over to paragon then back to taka to get the ice-cream. then finally after much consideration, i relented and followed my mum to run her errands which she was supposed to do them alone. specialist then centre point then orchard point and eventually to my secret hideout to catch the bus back. 162 was nice today=P waited a mere 2 min and the bus came. yay. haha. i felt like walking in to see if the paper boat was still at the mini fountain area...hehe but nah, i didn't.

my journey down to orc was kinda thought-provoking in a sense. i got up the bus and my reaction was: so many kids (to me, kids=pple under tertiary level) and then i cldn't help but notice a handful of this particular race on board the bus. my thought was...hey they are breeding like mosquitoes. hmm... oops. i am not being racist; it's a fact. anyway, every journey probably has to end with a destination. so my comments on my way back from orc road was...i saw how this kid (16+) and her bf and they so lovey-dovey that they locked their arms and closed their eyes to get a little nap. the picture was sooooooooooo sweet that somehow i wished i cld hold someone's arms the same way she did and just fall asleep on his shoulder =)

everytime i look at you baby
i see something new
you change me higher than before
it makes me want you more
i don't wanna sleep tonight
think it's just a waste of time
when i look at what my life's been coming to
i'm all abt loving you

-bon jovi-

am such a sucker for sappy love songs=p

well well...been listening to a lot of music over the radio. i guess it helps heaps to relax esp when you blast rock songs. oh and of course praying too. =)

dreams

I had a strange the night before. i actually dreamt that i participated in singapore idol. haha. weird stuff. but in my dream, i was such a coward. i cld feel my heart pounding so hard and when it was my turn to present my song, i realised that i had to do it in front a sea of people. i pondered for a split second and decided that cldn't do it. so i scurried down the train of contestants eager to flaunt their talents and crept discreetly out of the presentation room. to some extent, the thought of the dream was exhilarating, perhaps in a bad sense. that's something i will never even think of doing in real life.

last night, i had another dream. i dreamt that i was taking a stroll on the beach with i can't remember who (maybe my mum). then we walked past a hawker centre with signs of delectable food on top of fluorescent lights. it was only a passing view. the next minute i found myself sitting on the shore of a crowded beach, talking to this church friend of mine who recently graduated. and i haven't spoken to him in ages. the funny thing was, i happened to be praying for him last night because today is the 1st day of his working life as an IT engineer back in penang, msia. Well, it's weird.

Yesterday, this local radio deejay came to my house to collect a box from my sis because she happens to know his sis from the same church in aust. anyway, he's not exactly a big shot but apparently he's qte warm, according to my mum. in fact, his household name is more of notorious and infamous than famous. anyway, he gave us both belated christmas presents for helping to deliver his stuff from aust to sg. i got a bottle of hand cream. haha. and my sis got body scrub. haha. i didn't see him face to face but i got snapshots of h.........HIS CAR. hahaa...i felt like a sniper camouflaging in my parent's room from the second floor and peering cautiously at him behind the curtains. but instead of a shotgun, i was poised with a digicam. hahaaR. i can't believe i am finding entertainment spying on someone. i must be really bored.

hehe I wish he was daniel ong though=p