love is cruel yah? I woke up this morning, not feeling a single ounce better. dejected and trampled on. the night had been terrible. another sleepless night that i yearn so much to close my eyes and never open them again. but i woke up this morning. not understanding why. perhaps God had a plan for me. perhaps it's all not over yet. my heart is really bruised. in fact, i wish i can just go into reclusion. bury me. i thought it had all ended when i met these wonderful pple 2 1/2 mths ago. i was wrong i guess. the feeling is all building up and hitting me straight in the face once again. i wish i had a barricade. i wish God made me emotionless and unable to feel a slightest tinge of love or anger and melancholy. i wish i didn't have to wake up in the morning and face the world once again, knowing that i am so vulnerable and susceptible and all sorts of emotions. i won't be going online for a while. so, don't bother finding me there. i know i promised not to cry but i cldn't do it. i did last night. that was the only way that i cld fall asleep. i woke up several times only to find myself wondering why i did so. afraid that i will never again shld i wake up. it just hurts really bad and i don't know who to confide in, only God and my diary. nth seems to work. i woke late enough to discover that my mum bought macs breakfast for me. sth i had requested last night. i tried so hard to hold my tears. i didn't feel like eating at all but i did anyway. i didn't want to disappoint my mum. i was touched that she had gone to all trouble just to give me what i wanted yet i am such a loser who can't even handle my own life. the last thing i wanted to do is to disappoint my family. my head my spinning right now and i can't think straight. i am having a bad headache and a really bad nightmare that i can't seem to wake up from. perhaps only time will tell. i am so tired of all these. i have given up hope time and again and when i felt lifted up again, the outcome is still the same.