The arrival of spring

Today I learnt that guys are asses. Knew that long ago but today it was reinforced. I was queuing up for use of the comps in the library and this whole of guys were just happily playing their computer games, obliterating, pple who needed to use the comp. Whatever.

Today. I found out that he has a gf...apparently, his gf is red-headed.
My friend just broke the news to me. Surprisingly, I was happy to hear the news. Beats me why but I know I was. Perhaps, this meant the end of my seemingly endless torture and bouts of loving you, loving you not. I don't know. But somewhere in between the periods of jubilee, I felt totally disgusted. I thought the fact that he led me on all this while was revolting. Maybe, I was the blind one all along. I was. However, the feeling of having to have my heart stabbed a hundred and one times over some idiot who was clueless just numbs me. I don't feel like crying. At all. I think. I feel so immune and helpless. It feels as if my house has just been broken into. Nevertheless, I thanked my friend for informing me. However she did it. I ought to ask her. I guess right now, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I am grossed up. I think I wasted my life on him. On the other hand, the truth is out and hopefully, my misery too...Time will heal. I hope.

Had my tutorial feedback today. Atonished that the tutor was a little more lenient than what I expected. Amidst the cursing and swearing behind his back. At least he seems a little more nice than the other tutor. That woman actually gave me a 'just pass' for tutorial. You have no idea how much I spent photocopying the stupid notes and preparing for her pbls. And behind all her pseudo nice-miss-congenialty-most-amiable-and fun-loving-tutor personality, she's qte a screwed person actually. Didn't expect her to give me a mark which I reckon is gross. Hasn't I seen another peer's mark, I wld have nv found out. She gave this person a pretty gd mark I think...for what? Talking nonsensical things and the skimpy pieces of info that he prob got for an unreliable webby or sth. argh. Why am I complaining. I feel sucky. Someone shoot me again.

To cheat, To lie, To swear, To flirt. To Break My Heart.

Actually I don't know what I am feeling right now, nor what I shld be feeling. Just wanna fall back into my comfy zone back home and forget abt everything that has happened.

I know JB makes me happy. But what is happiness? A momentary episode of euphoria? A scaffold in times of needs? I friend who I really enjoy talking to? I am a completely different person when I am in sch and when I am not. Have been tuning in to radio stations back home and at times it does make me feel really really close to home.

Yest I was dancing in the ballroom of grand hyatt sg. I wasn't alone. jb was with me. Yet another event of fantasy. I am just another bird trying to break free from the clutches and boundaries of the world. Of Earth. I thank the pple for having to listen to me, my rantings; helping me resolve my issues and of altruisically and sincerely asking abt my well-being and again, for listening to whatever I have to say =) Thank you guys. I've got you in my heart.

:'(

Haiz, I am not crying. I just feel really cooped up. Haha. Maybe it's my life or maybe it's just my thick jacket, or maybe it's just this library with no ventilation. =) Anyway, I am fine. I really am. Just need to do some thinking...I feel really stupid actually. Esp everytime I recall how there was the element of flirtation. It disgusts me so, so much...