It's just the beginning...

The dawn of a new day. Yet my mind was left behind. My world is jumbled up. I am confused. Rose to the day at 830. It's early. Had woken up at 5.45 initially. That intrigues me. No more work and I still am waking up at the wrong time. Something is really wrong with me. I know that. What is it? What is bugging me so much? It's a hideously chilly day. A numbingly freezing night. Just feel like staying in and perhaps do nothing. But some part of me yearns to embrace the day in a more exciting manner. I can't fathom this. My train of thoughts are evidently on the wrong track. Where to? I ask. Beats me. I can't be missing that particular place in that particular suburb. When it first started off, I was shunning away from the whole experience. The idea of being left all alone. I know I don't miss them. Somewhere along the lines, I am getting the fear or returning to school. To face pple who are apparently driving me nuts, driving me up the wall. Almost impeding my whole concentration span and jabbing me with a knife. Do I feel the pain? Perhaps I immune to it. However it still scares me. I feel locked up in a cage in my mind which I desperate seek the way out. I don't know how and when I can be free again. The feeling totally irks me. If only feelings were easy to comprehend and explained...Time and again, I made myself vulnerable and susceptible to all sorts of emotions. I conjure that I am such a failure in emotions. Thus, it renders myEQ at rock-bottom. Who can understand me? Understand what I am going through? Stop me from my stupidity, stop me from hurting myself further? Each time the wound seems to be deeper and deeper and sadly, it seems unpormising with a just a downward spiral of a vicious cycle...Bring me to my paradise.