Right now, I have so many questions in whizzing in my mind.

What does it mean to be a singaporean studying overseas? What does it mean to be happy? To be sad? What does it mean to be mature? To be unfaltered by anything? Why must everyone grow up to be doctors and lawyers? Are there no other respectable jobs ard? Why must everyone assume that these are the only so-called 'professional' jobs? Don't they know that there are incompetent doctors and lawyers too? Why must I always dream of stupid things and pple? why must the tide come in and go out everyday? Why must school be so miserable? what does it mean to be beautiful? why must lessons learnt always be so costly? Why must pple always regret what they do? what does life always seem so bleak that it is as if we are only moving towards a bottomless pit? why are we all waiting to die? what is the end? what is the beginning? How do you know when the beginning is the end? why the world so deceptive? So hypocritical? why must I wear a mask everyday? why is the world such a harsh place for anyone to be their real self? Why do pple deceive themselves? Why can't the world be a more straightforward place? what does it mean to like someone? To hate someone? why is why?

Does God even know all the answers to all my qns? if you know the answer, please email me.

if hatred is the only way to forget someone, so be it. I am willing to do it, even if it means turning against my beliefs. I can't face the world or anybody anymore. It is just like pathology. A tissue is damaged. Repair takes place. And then the tissue is damaged again but this time the repair phase from the 1st stage isn't completely healed yet. So the repair time this time takes longer and is less effective. But why does the tissue keep getting injured? Again and again, repeatedly. Even if the repair mechanism sets in, the 1st part is already a tacky situation for it to proceed. The outcome? The repair mechanism just gives up and stops repairing, leaving the tissue condition plummeting right down until it seems impossible to resume the repair, let alone the regeneration process. I feel like the tissue.

This song describes me fully. Reflection.

Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me,
When will my reflection show who I am inside?


Why must we all conceal,
What we think how we feel,
Why is there a secret me I'm forced to hide?

Recently, I have observed too many failed marriages.
One case, a celebrity couple of 11 yrs in my neighbourhood divorced. It's a big news, surely you guys know what I am referring to.
My cousin, married for just a yr.
My uncle and aunt who have always been on the brink of divorce. bickering their whole lives.
And of course many many more which I can't recall right now.

I am so inclined and obliged to take the vows of a nun.

I am going to sleep.