I wish

For once, I wished that the road 'home' was longer. I just felt like walking on forever. With my head hung low and a sullen expression on my face, I dragged my heavy feet back. I cldn't find a reason to smile anymore. My life is just so meaningless. I started contemplate suidical methods. If I said that I actually smiled when I thought of it, do I sound very morbid? Perhaps. I wish we cld choose what age we want to be. Isn't it a free world? I just want to be always happy. It is so impossible. Is the ending one's life the only way to be eternally free of problems? I really don't want to celebrate any birthday. I know that when I step into the house I have to put on a happier mood. It is superficial but what else can I do? I don't want my family to know that I am the saddest person on the face of this earth. I see my perfect world somewhere out there. The beautiful mesmorising beach with shimmering crystal clear turquoise waters with schoals of fishes swimming euphorically with nothing on their minds. I want to be a goldfish with a 3 sec memory, having no inkling as to what happened everyday. I want to be a wall-flower, to blend into the varse universe with no one knowing me, knowing my past, only knowing my better-than-perfect future. In this beach, the golden sun penetrates into the waters, reflecting a rainbow that projects into the unlimited stretch of sky and clouds. I know I will be in awe. I wish...God please take me away...

Well, you see me here today. So I am alive. I really don't know why I woke up today. Does God really have a plan for me? Perhaps he does but with me dreading to wake up every single morning to a day of either monotony or melancholy, forget it. I don't want anymore of this. Just take me away forever...to my wonderful dreamland...Please...maybe going away in the sleep is the most serene way. Maybe. Gassing myself or sth. Maybe. Just maybe...

I collected the letters today. My sis had a letter from sg. I wondered when was the last time I received one from sg. Exactly 1 yr ago. Initially when I opened the mailbox, I thought it was stupid to write letters since there was such thing called on email. Then I realised that the guy was extremely romantic...