seriously i don't think i am able to discuss it now. I am inapt in putting it into words, for some reason. thx for the regards tho.

I don't even feel like talking anymore. My day has been filled with less than 5 sentences; and the rest was maybe only left for me to talk to God, or even to myself.

I went for run a couple of hrs ago. Initially, it was just a random walk in the park when I suddenly just felt like running. Everyone knows that I hate running. If it was the only sport left on earth, i wld nv take it up. But today I really ran. So much so that it's the longest distance I had covered since sec 4 napha. So you can tell how much pent-up angst I had within me.

I wished that perhaps if i ran till my heart stopped, I wldn't have to face tmr, nor my pending woes. Or maybe, if I collapsed, I wldn't have to wake up again.

But at the end of the day, or rather, an hr of running + walking, I didn't feel that "runner's high" that I once wrote abt in an essay. Instead, I felt an almost immense sporadic stomachache, great lerthargy, a headache and a face as red as a monkey's bottom. And yes, I cried again. And when I was in the bathroom, I felt cold and there were goosebumps. My body is so screwed.

The ache, i suspect, was probably due to my crashing appetite that made everything inpalatable to me and hence the malnutrition and whatever shit that comes with it. Much to my sorrows, my heart was still working.

I've been having diarhoea for 3 days and I thought, if it was cholera then maybe i will dehydrate and shrivel and die. Yes. That's good.

My faith has been put to the trial many-a-times but I can tell you that I have been reading the bible. It's been swayed umpteenth times lately but I am still praying that God will lead me to The Light soon.

Where are you, Lord?