I wish I can go hiding...and re-surface when the day is over...
but am I already doing it subconsciously?...
all I can say is that its not working...

I used to enjoy birthdays esp when I was still a kid. The birthday parties were great. All carefully planned out by my very meticulous mum. But this is all a thing of the past. No use sobbing over these fond memories. These days, I think I am gradually forgetting how to celebrate birthdays. In fact, I think I really dread them. Year after year. It's just a downhill graph. The mood is not there; the atmosphere is not there. Why celebrate? Why celebrate another day, another year of my existence in this complicated environment? Why why why?...Why can't we all just be 7 years old? The innocence, the childlike idealogy. It sounds good to me. No worries, no troubles, no sorrows. Isn't that nice?... I really wonder when birthdays will be a happy thing for me again...It's so hard. I guess as long as I am happy, everyday can be a birthday. Perhaps now is not the time. I wonder when IS the time. And will there even be such a time?...

I think I will never get tired of the song by hoobastank "the reason". It's nice, esp when you're not in the best of moods...